Rya Rain
Hello my name is Rayona. I’m 28 years old. My whole life all I ever wanted was a family and to be a mom. I struggle with PCOS and after trying for so long I never thought I’d be a mom. In April 2023, I found my happy ending, Mike. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. It was amazing we shorty moved in with each other and 1 year in we got pregnant with our daughter Rya we were so excited to be able to be blessed with this experience. Watching her grow was amazing, Mike was at every appointment. We were so excited, buying things for her. We had a gender reveal. Finding out we were having a daughter was the best feeling in the world. We poured so much love into her. Her dad would sing and talk to her everyday. Patiently waiting for her arrival. I was so excited but scared. All my dreams were coming true. I was finally going to be the mom I’ve always wanted to be.
My pregnancy was horrible and I felt bad always saying that. But we don’t talk about how hard it is on the body, how hard it is mentally and emotionally. I struggled so much with morning sickness. Constantly throwing up all day everyday, for the first 4 months. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, I knew meeting my daughter at the end would be everything. Finally my morning sickness let up. Me and Mike spent most of our days walking around Como Lake and then getting food after. I was truly looking forward to having our daughter. My due date was Oct 29th 2024. I was so excited to have my baby for the holidays this year.
On July 17th 2024, my worst nightmare came to reality. 25 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy, I stopped feeling my daughter move all my friends and family I asked about it told me I’m probably feeling her move and not even knowing it. The second night I felt something was wrong, my midwife told me to go to the ER just to be sure. We got there and the nightmare got worse. It took 5 doctors to look for a heartbeat to finally tell me they can’t find it. Their faces said it all. I never in my life cried as hard as I did. I was so scared and so was Mike. The doctors proceeded to tell me I have to go into labor and have a still birth. I was so scared.
We started the process. They gave me multiple different medication and nothing was working to dilate me. Finally after being in labor for 62 hours and 5 doctors later, they tell me they have been giving my medications wrong. They were giving them orally and not vaginally. My heart broke not only did I lose my daughter not only am I scared shitless you come in 60 hours later and tell me you’ve been doing it wrong the whole time. I immediately asked for a transfer to a different hospital. Within a hour I went to a different hospital in a ambulance. When I got to this hospital the whole vibe was different the doctors were amazing and explained what they thought would be best. I ended up giving birth to my daughter 3 hours later. Rya Rain Quale 1.6zo 13in long. She was beautiful. Everything I ever wanted. I remember when I had her I was so scared to hold her because she was lifeless. Having a baby and not hearing them cry is the most heartbreaking feeling ever.
We spent all the time we could with her reading books and talking to her. We left with the impression she would stay at the hospital get autopsy and then be transferred to the funeral home for cremation. It was suppose to take 3 days but it took five. They finally sent her to the funeral home where she was cremated. I was so emotionally drained. Having to make all these decisions for our family.
4 weeks after her passing me and Mike went to a couple retreat with other couples that have stillborns just like us. Faiths Lodge, It was an amazing experience. We laughed together cried together. But most of all just came together as a whole. It brought us light into our lives and gave us hope. We are now 8 weeks into her passing and we just had a celebration of love where all our friends and family came together as one. That was amazing.
But things couldn’t stay good for long. I reached out to my doctor about the autopsy and she said all she can see on her end is that they put a lab in for one but there no status of one. So I called the hospital where I had her and they were giving me the run around telling me that they couldn’t tell me anything. All they see is the request. So now I wonder why was my daughter at this hospital for five extra day and you guys have no record of an autopsy but that the nurse sent a request. She transferred me to medical records where medical records said if there was records they would find it. Well they didn’t find anything. So now I took it upon myself to go to the hospital where again was given the run around where the nurses said they couldn’t see anything but they wanted to help so they called the supervisor. After a hour and half the nurse comes out and says the autopsy was done July 23rd which I had her July 20th. She assured me that it would be coming soon on my mychart and she know they told me it would only be month but to wait one more week mind you it’s been 6 weeks at this point. There’s no paper work the nurse can give me or nothing. I leave because I was just happy to hear it has been done. But then I start to think myself why can’t they give me something to prove that it’s still in progress or that it’s even been done? Well it’s been a whole 3 weeks and I haven’t heard anything I told myself I’d wait one more just so they can’t tell me to keep waiting.
I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer. But when I tell you we are emotionally and physically exhausted, drained. I’ve never in my life felt this low, but I know I have to keep going for my daughter I have to figure out where her autopsy is, and why the doctors gave me the medications wrong. I have to get justice. My daughter might have only been 25 weeks but she was a human and she deserves justice.
Not only am I going through it but so is Mike, he’s a great dad and this has been extremely hard on him and our relationship. We of course want to try again for another baby. But we are taking it day by day and hoping the universe will bless us with our Rainbow baby when the time is right. We will always remember Rya and she will always be apart of our family and our future kid’s lives.
I’d love to share my story because they don’t talk about what really happens in hospitals they don’t talk about how people expect you to go back to normal life right after. We don’t talk about how hard it is to get pregnant with PCOS and how that makes you feel as a woman. We don’t talk about the dads that were so excited to be dads and lose their children, and then expected to go back to work right after. We don’t talk about how dads feel. Or how it makes women feel that could barley get pregnant and then can’t even make it to full term.
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. I hope I bring awareness! If you are experiencing this, just know you are not alone. One day at a time. Keep hope and keep faith. Stay tune for “Rya’s Legacy” in the making. Rya Rain appreciates all the support.
Photos taken by Sabrina Miller.
Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.
Make sure to follow Journey For Jasmine on Instagram and Facebook!
Pin and help spread the project!
