My name is Mary-Susan, and this is why I wear the rainbow skirt. When people look at me, they don’t immediately see the years of pain, surgeries, grief, and loss that brought me here. They don’t see the little girl who started bleeding at 11 years old and never really got a break from it. […]
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My journey to motherhood started like many others, full of excitement and the assumption that it would just work out. Within three months of trying, we were pregnant. We were overjoyed. But that joy didn’t last long. Around five weeks, I miscarried. We were heartbroken, but we tried to stay hopeful. Then, the very next month, I was pregnant again. It felt like a miracle, like maybe the first loss had just been a terrible fluke. But at six weeks, we lost that pregnancy too. That was the moment I realized this wasn’t random. I went to the doctor looking for answers, but I kept hearing the same thing. Everything looks normal. Sometimes this just happens. Just keep trying. I never accepted that, because deep down it never felt right. Loss changes you. There is no way around it. When you lose a pregnancy, you don’t just lose a moment in time. You lose the dreams you had already started building. You imagine birthdays that will never happen, tiny hands you never got to hold, and a future that suddenly disappears. The grief is hard to explain unless you have lived through it. It is the grief that keeps on giving. Eventually I started digging deeper into my family’s medical history and pushing for more testing. At a fertility clinic, I had to advocate for myself more than I ever expected. I kept asking to be tested for a rare blood clotting disorder called PAI- 1 4G/5G. Doctors didn’t initially think it was necessary, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was being missed. After a lot of pushing, we finally got an answer. I did have the blood clotting disorder, which can cause recurrent early miscarriage. For the first time since this journey started, we felt like we had a real explanation. The plan seemed simple. The next time I got pregnant, I would start Lovenox and aspirin right away to prevent clotting issues. We thought we had finally solved the mystery. But then another challenge appeared. Almost a full year passed without a single positive pregnancy test. Despite trying everything we could, nothing was working. We eventually went to another fertility clinic and started a full round of testing. I had an HSG, hysteroscopy, and what felt like endless appointments. Nothing major showed up, so we decided to try IUI. Our first cycle failed. Our second cycle never even had a chance because polyps and cysts came back just six weeks after my hysteroscopy surgery. That’s when doctors started to suspect endometriosis. At that point we decided to move forward with IVF. I had laparoscopic surgery and two additional hysteroscopies. During those procedures, doctors confirmed endometriosis and removed polyps, fibroids, cysts, and endometriosis growths. Even with a low AMH, we moved forward with IVF and hoped for the best. Somehow, by what truly feels like a miracle, our first egg retrieval gave us two euploid embryos. After everything we had been through, that alone felt like an incredible gift. Before transfer, I completed two months of Lupron suppression for endometriosis. My protocol included Lovenox, aspirin, antihistamines, steroids, and everything we had learned about my body along the way. Endless patches,
My sweet Alyria, You are our miracle love. Here is the story of how we got to you. In October of 2022, I told dad that I was having really bad baby fever. Dad told me no. I know you find that surprising. Then in November, I told him again. I want to try to
Jennifer Crouse expected to bring home her first baby. Instead, at 39 weeks pregnant, she learned her daughter, Charlotte Grace, had no heartbeat. In this episode of Finding Hope After Loss, Jennifer shares the story of losing Charlotte to stillbirth just days before she was supposed to be born. She opens up about the shock
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Sara Sharpe shares the story of her daughter, Everly Mae Jones, and the unimaginable grief of losing her at just 9 months old while waiting nearly a year for answers surrounding her death. In this episode of Finding Hope After Loss, Sara opens up about the trauma of navigating an active investigation while mourning her
Losing Everly at 9 Months Old: Grief, Trauma, and Waiting for Justice Read More »
Pregnancy after loss… three words carrying such deep meaning and an endless rollercoaster of emotions. This is Vitoria’s third pregnancy. She and her husband celebrate the joy of expecting their first baby girl — a bittersweet feeling, as they also hold close to their hearts the journey of losing their second baby. In pregnancy after loss, knowing how
In 2024, after almost two years of separation, we found out we were pregnant. We already had our daughter, Arya, and thought we knew what our family would look like. He was our surprise reconciliation baby. Our promise from God for restoration. We were finally moving forward. When I learned he was a boy, I
My husband, Kyle, and I couldn’t wait to start a family together. We found out we were expecting when the fetus was the size of a poppy seed and started calling “her” Poppy. We were already envisioning our future family of three. We naively thought getting pregnant was the hard part. We couldn’t wait to
In this episode of Finding Hope After Loss, Lonna shares her heartbreaking experience with stillbirth at 38 weeks after being reassured throughout pregnancy that everything was fine. After being diagnosed with PCOS at a young age and told it may be difficult to become pregnant, Lonna unexpectedly conceived naturally and looked forward to welcoming her
Stillbirth at 38 Weeks: When Everything Seemed Fine Read More »
My husband and I have known each other since we were in middle school and we started dating when we were 15 and 16. We got engaged at 19 and 20 and married at 20 and 21. I was still in college so we wanted to wait a little bit to start our family as