Two years ago we started IVF in my home country the Netherlands due to severe endometriosis. We were lucky enough to be able to transfer 6 embryos. The 1st one was positive but unfortunately became an early miscarriage on the same day.
I was more relieved that I had my first pregnancy ever, proof that my body works in this way (despite my age 37 and endometriosis). The other 4 were all negative, which were also very hard for me, it definitely feels like losses also.
8 months later our last transfer was surprisingly positive. We had our positive test on board the cruise ship the Disney Dream, somewhere between Italy and Greece. We were so in shock and happy. I finally was able to download a pregnancy app and was totally into it. Two weeks later I started with light blood loss and a little bit of pain.
Our first ultrasound wasn’t for another week, but I wanted an earlier one since I was afraid of another miscarriage. Two days later we had the early ultrasound and found out that Guus(je) Geluk (working title, the name is the Dutch version of Gladstone Gander from Donald Duck) did have the most beautiful beating heart but in the wrong place in my right fallopian tube, aka an ectopic pregnancy. We asked how this is possible since with IVF the embryo is being transferred into the uterus, but the doctor explained that the embryo swims loose until it implants. That makes our little baby very stubborn for swimming in the wrong direction, which we are too.
Later that day I had surgery and they removed Guusje and both my fallopian tubes. We recorded the beating heart and received an ultrasound photo which I held to my belly for the rest of the day. Coming closer to the moment I was going under narcosis I felt more heartbroken, knowing the moment I was waking up the baby would be dead. I talked to Guusje that day and also said goodbyes.
According to the doctor, we got there just in time because the fallopian tube was about to rupture and it could have been dangerous for me. It was heartbreaking but also knew there was no other way. I was very grateful to be alive myself. The doctor said the baby was way too small for the duration of my pregnancy (6,5 weeks) which makes sense since it was not in my uterus with the right nutritions. I strongly feel that this little baby was, despite being in the wrong place, a very strong baby and if it would have implanted in the right part I would now have given birth to a very healthy baby.
We shifted for our second IVF round to a hospital in Belgium. In countries like Belgium and Germany they do way more testing and custom advice compared to the Netherlands. They found out that my thyroid was not functioning correctly and that I also have adenomyosis (form of endometriosis). My boyfriend tested well. We started our new round which they did ICSI and unfortunately we only had one embryo this time, which was a blow to the face.
The doctor advised me not to do a fresh transfer this time but a cryo transfer for the best situation for my endometriosis. Which was extra scary because I was very afraid our only embryo would not defrost rightly. Luckily it defrosted perfectly and had our 7th transfer. For the first time we received an embryo photo which was so special. And we also received a classification for the first time, 4AB. It resulted in yet another early miscarriage which was very heartbreaking again.
Now we have to start a 3rd round, which I am not looking forward to due to the mental toll. I’m very afraid we will end up with no baby. In our country everyone is obliged to have health insurance and everyone gets 3 rounds of IVF/ICSI refunded. We have an appointment in a few months where I first want to ask for some tests and if it makes sense for us to use an egg/sperm donor before we start with our third round. We gave all of these (embryo) babies a working title and they will always remain in our hearts.
I have a photo frame of our happy photo with my belly on board the Disney Cruise ship together with a small baby toy which my mother made from the clothes of my deceased father together with another photo frame with the ultrasound photo of my ectopic and embryo photo of my last pregnancy loss. I’m very grateful to have these, since for my first miscarriage and the negative transfers, I only have a photo of the ultrasound of my uterus with a little white bubble. I also have the videos of my ectopic surgery, but the baby was too small. You only see blood coming out my tube. It’s very hard again to remain hopeful.
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