Jennifer H’s Story

1. Describe the process of getting pregnant.  Was it easy for you?  Was it hard?  Did you have to go through fertility treatment? 

Getting pregnant with my 1st was easy. We were pregnant by the 6 week checkup for the miscarriage. She turns 6 in January. With my 2nd rainbow we started trying September/October 2023 and didn’t get pregnant until January 2024. It was incredibly difficult for myself. My husband kept trying to find ways to keep my mind occupied.

2. What was the pregnancy like?  Was it easy and smooth?  Hard with a lot of pregnancy symptoms?

My 1st rainbow baby pregnancy 2018/219 was filled with a ton of anxiety. No matter what or anyone said or did I was always on edge. I was constantly going into the doctors/clinics/hospitals paranoid. With my 2nd rainbow pregnancy 2024 I have been very at ease. I think it helps I see a therapist weekly and have gotten amazing coping skills. I’ve only had one additional appointment this go around and that was because I had a dream her heartbeat stopped. So they let me come in and they had trouble finding her heartbeat; thankfully it was found. However it took a nurse and a midwife, my ob was out of town. Before 20 weeks we had to do the ultrasound machine every appointment as it’s taken almost 10 minutes to find her heartbeat. As of 6-7-24 I’m now 21 weeks and 2 days.

3. Did you have a reason why your losses occurred?

Unfortunately no we don’t. My first we never seen a heartbeat. My second I went in there was a teeny heartbeat at 96/97 however two weeks later; 3 days before my 25th birthday we found out babies heart stopped. 

4. How far along were you?

With my 1st roughly 6 weeks, as well with my second. 

5. What are your babies names?

Boston Grey Hassard and Saige Juniper Hassard. When we experienced the 1st lost my then fiancé (now husband) wasn’t against naming he felt weird about it. But it helped the healing process. With Saige he determined it was a girl. We already had names picked out.

6. What was the birthing/loss experience like?

My first I stopped eating and was in so much pain that I was in the ER a lot! Saige I completely went into a deep depression. It was the worst pain I truly ever experienced. I think it came down to it being so close to my birthday and I waited 2.5 years to finally start again. 

7. Did you get to spend time with your baby or get any keepsakes?

Unfortunately I didn’t get to spend time with them as they were both early losses. However I’ve gotten a ton of keepsakes in their memory! 

8. How was the medical treatment/support during your loss?

With both amazing. My ob is fantastic along with her team. 

9. Did you receive support from family and friends after your loss?

I had more support from my husband and friends than my family. 

10. How were your emotions after loss? (Angry, sad, scared, confused, etc)

All over. My Boston it was a whirlwind since we conceived so fast. With Saige I could barely function. 

11. How did you know you were ready to try again?

We were ready right away with Boston. My husband wanted to wait with Saige’s lost. However for me I wanted to try again. We started trying but didn’t get pregnant until January of 2024.

12. What has the pregnancy with your rainbow baby been like? 

My first was filled with a lot of anxiety. No matter what or who we talked to I was terrified. With this rainbow pregnancy 2024 I have been anxious but not as much. I think it has helped that I have been in therapy for three years and my therapist helps me tremendously! As well an amazing husband and ob office. (Same one from my 2018/2019 rainbow pregnancy)

13. Is there anything special you do to remember your angel baby/babies? 

Yes we go on a walk at a local park every year since the 1st loss. The year Covid happened they didn’t do the walk however we went and walked it ourselves. We speak of the babies in almost every day life. Our five (rainbow baby) and three year old know about their siblings. They speak their names. We also light candles almost daily as that’s how I feel connected to them. 

14. Is there anything you want others to know about going through loss?

It’s so incredibly hard. You will go through so many emotions. Take life minute by minute if need be. Find something that you feel connected to the baby/babies and do it. From walking, to cooking, cleaning etc. And it’s ok to put boundaries up towards people. Your baby/babies are so loved and although I don’t know you I’m thinking of you. Name your babies, personally it has helped my husband and our family we’ve made together heal. Find others who have been through what you have. 

Photos taken by Codi Leigh Photography.

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