1. Describe the process of getting pregnant. Was it easy for you? Was it hard? Did you have to go through fertility treatment?
Getting pregnant was relatively trivial for my Husband and I. In November of 2021, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). My OBGYN at the time had just handed me a brochure about PCOS and said, “Whenever you’re ready to get pregnant again (I had my first Daughter in 2019 with no problems), let me know, and we will put you on Clomid, and we will go from there.” She also prescribed me a low dose of metformin without explaining why I needed to take metformin. I was so lost and confused at the time and didn’t know anything about PCOS. After conducting my research, I discovered how it affects everyone differently.
In February 2022, I had my miscarriage. I was not far along, but it was still hard when we had been trying for two years. The morning of my miscarriage, I had vaginal bleeding. I went to my OBGYN’s office for blood work. After my blood work, I was told to wait 24 hours for the results. I could not wait anymore. The bleeding was about the same throughout the day. I went to the ER, where the physician ordered blood work. At the same time, I was waiting for the ED results. The office of my OBGYN had called to ask me how I was doing. I replied I am still bleeding. The OBGYN related is probably only a chemical pregnancy, and I will call tomorrow with the actual results. After I got off the phone with OBGYN, the ER physician came in with results and said I was in the middle of a miscarriage.
The following day the OBGYN office called to check on me and said it was a chemical pregnancy without results and sent me a message on the patient portal. At this point, I was profoundly dark and felt blown off by doctors. I thought it was the end and my first child would be my only child. I started gaining weight and had a lot of pain with my PCOS. I had to find someone to help me; I found a specialist for PCOS. My new OBGYN and PCOS specialist had prescribed me metformin (the correct dose my body needed). He also prescribed birth control (my testosterone was high and needed to be balanced). Lastly, he prescribed a diet limiting me to twenty grams of sugar daily. He suggested surgery when I was ready to get pregnant.
In September 2022, I did the surgery. I’m glad I found the specialist and had the surgery done. The doctor related it was worse than he imagined. He said my tubes were 99% blocked, and my cysts covered my ovaries. He also found Polyps, Fibroids, and leftover placenta in my uterus. Honestly, looking back, it was a blessing from God. I found this doctor. I don’t know what I would have done without him. He helped me lose weight from September to January. I went from a size 18-16 to a 12 and got pregnant naturally after surgery in January 2023.
2. What was the pregnancy like? Was it easy and smooth? Hard with a lot of pregnancy symptoms?
It was speedy; in the blink of an eye, I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday, and then by Thursday, I found out I was having a miscarriage. By Friday the physical and emotional pain was there.
3. Did you have a reason why your losses occurred?
There could have been multiple reasons for the loss I had in Feb.
2. My tubes were 99% blocked my ovaries were utterly covered in cysts. My specialist also found Polyps, Fibroids, and leftover placenta in my uterus.
3. My progesterone could have been deficient.
But those all play into PCOS in one way or another.
4. How far along were you?
I was really early on I was tracking everything at the time, I was around 5 weeks to 6 weeks
5. What are your babies names?
My oldest is four years old, her name is Remi Lynn
My youngest (Rainbow Baby) Rae Ann
6. What was the birthing/loss experience like?
It was harsh and painful. I did pass the baby naturally, but it was the worst painful and heavy (period) I had ever had.
7. Did you get to spend time with your baby or get any keepsakes?
No, I was able to pass the baby naturally. we didn’t get that far along to have that option.
8. How was the medical treatment/support during your loss?
The OBGYN office I was going to at the time was horrible, but the ER doctor I had was excellent, charming. He told me his wife went through the same thing, and they had three beautiful girls, and for me not to give up.
9. Did you receive support from family and friends after your loss?
Yes, I have a fantastic husband, loving parents, and an awesome brother. We didn’t tell many people; many people didn’t know then.
10. How were your emotions after loss? (Angry, sad, scared, confused, etc)
All of the above. I questioned everything. I thought God wouldn’t let me have another because I wasn’t a good mother or that I didn’t deserve another child because I wasn’t good enough. I was in a dark place after my loss.
11. How did you know you were ready to try again?
I didn’t know I was and didn’t think I was ready until I found my specialist that helped me with the PCOS and made me feel better with the symptoms I had with the PCOS and with my weight loss. Also, my oldest helped me back that decision as well. I didn’t want her to be the only child. Also, my husband supported everything we had to go through to get to where we are today. We wanted to try one more time.
12. What has the pregnancy with your rainbow baby been like?
Of course, the fun didn’t stop there. This pregnancy has been a 180 compared to my first one, which went smoothly. In my first trimester, we watched my numbers like crazy to ensure I wouldn’t miscarry again. My progesterone was low, and I had to take progesterone until my second trimester, which made me feel like crap and just sick all the time. The second trimester was alright just never got my energy back. It comes to finding out I was anemic during this pregnancy, so now I’m on iron pills and still feel run down and sick all the time Been cramping a lot ( Braxton hicks contractions ) and body aches. Overall, this one has been so hard. The fear is so high and accurate. Once I could feel her, I would make a mental note, but if I didn’t feel her, I would freak out and eat or drink something with sugar to make her move to give myself peace of mind. (Heads up but TMI) Every time I go to the bathroom after I wipe, I have to look to make sure it is no blood. I am so scared and lived in constant fear with this pregnancy.
13. Is there anything special you do to remember your angel baby/babies?
Our angel baby would have been due sometime in October ( also, October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month ), so we decided to celebrate her by going to Disney.
14. Is there anything you want others to know about going through loss?
Please DO NOT GIVE UP. You are not alone; even when you feel like you are, you do not find a Facebook group page to be a part of, and you connect with so many women who go through the same things we have. Find a GOOD DOCTOR that will listen to you and specializes in what’s going on. Everyone is different, and you must find the right fit for you and what you need.
Photos taken by Stephanie Murphree Photography.
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