Mallory, from Northeast Sisterhood & Birth Doula Services had contacted me about taking pictures for her sister, her friend, and herself. It grew from there into more women wanting to participate. This is the first story from this group of women. The other stories are from Angelica and Caitlin.
Hi my name is Martha! I’m married to my wonderful husband Joshua. We were high school sweethearts and got married in September 2016.
In the summer of 2019 we decided it was time to throw away my birth control and start trying to have our first baby. It took about three months for my body to regulate after being on the pill for three years.
So on the morning of September 29, 2019 when I took a pregnancy test we were totally ecstatic when the word “pregnant” popped up on it! We were so excited to tell people the news that we started telling people that day!
The next Saturday, October 5, I woke up at about 5:00 am with some cramping. I went to the bathroom and what I saw was my worst nightmare. I had started bleeding similar to a period but I had never experienced cramping like this before. I went downstairs to wait for my husband to wake up because I didn’t want him to worry.
After about two hours, he came down stairs to find me on the couch in severe pain. He asked what was wrong and I just started sobbing saying I don’t know but somethings not right.
I tried calling my doctor, but got sent to the emergency nurse line. I told her my symptoms and she said if the bleeding worsened to go to the ER but if it stayed the same it should only last a couple days because I might be having a miscarriage.
My husband, not satisfied with this, convinced me I needed to call his mom who has experienced miscarriages before to see if it was like she had experienced. She started crying and said she was afraid so and said I should go to the ER.
After spending the rest of the day at the hospital, getting blood drawn and ultrasounds done they didn’t give us a definite answer, but said I needed to set up a visit with my doctor to get more blood work done to compare my HCG levels. So after we got that blood work done, they were finally able to say that I had indeed had a “chemical pregnancy.”
I walked out of the office completely crushed for so many reasons. My world felt like it was crumbling down. I never thought this would happen to me. I know they have these medical terms for a reason, but the term chemical pregnancy really bothered me because that little baby wasn’t just a “chemical” to me. He or she was my baby.
Although I only knew him/her for a week they were my world. Thankfully I had my best friend and mother in law by my side to help me through the healing process.
It took almost a whole year to feel ready to start trying again. I am now 14 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby and so far everything is going well.
If you have experienced a loss throughout your pregnancy, you’re not alone! There are so many women who don’t share their story because they feel as though they’re to blame or it’s their fault but it’s not!
Unfortunately this happens a lot more often than it should so connect with others who have experienced it to! There is power in numbers and the more women who stand together and share their stories to support each other through these tragedies the stronger we are!
Photos Taken By Siesel Photography.
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