I met Ben in the summer of 2023. I came with three amazing sons from a previous relationship. Whom he accepted with grace; even though it was completely new to him. He quickly became my best friend and I knew he was my person. My rock. We got engaged in 2024.
We had talked about wanting more children together, but we wanted life to run its course and knew when the time was right, we would plan for more. Then came February 2025, Valentine’s Day to be exact; I got my positive. We were thrilled and terrified all in one. This would be our first child together and making us a family of 6. We kept it quiet for a while, just telling our boys about it. They were all thrilled to have another sibling, becoming big brothers again and for the first time.
The pregnancy went smooth and testing all came back good. There was nothing concerning. We found out through NIPT testing that we were having another little boy. I was thrilled, boy mom for life. Ben was ecstatic, a son who would not only share his name, but his father’s as well. Benjamin III, that’s lil man’s name.
We went in for just a check up appointment which put me at 17 weeks, my placenta was anterior so it was always a little harder to catch lil man’s heartbeat. So my OB just had us go for an ultrasound; I’ll never forget the way he just sank on the screen. She told us something I never thought I would hear “I’m so sorry there is no heartbeat”. My sweet angel was measuring 14 weeks; which means he had been gone for some time and my body had no idea. I was given options and I decided I wanted to go through birth and have our son that way.
May 22nd, was the day I gave birth to my sleeping angel. I was really blessed for an amazing nursing staff and OB. They made my birth feel like a birth, even though he was gone. I’ll forever be grateful to them. Loosing lil man, was the worst thing I could have ever gone through. The worst thing Ben could have gone through. We had as many tests as possible done and nothing gave us any answers as to why lil man’s heart just stopped beating. The only thing we found through all the testing is that I am positive for “Factor V Leiden”, carrying one set of the mutation and not both.
Everything was a blur for months and I can’t remember when we decided we wanted to try again. But we did, we decided we wanted to. I had my first ultrasound on lil man’s due date, it felt like a little sign from him. October 30th, we had the confirmation of another little one coming. I’ve been terrified and excited all these months. My OB was much more extensive with testing and referring me to MFM. Doing everything and anything she could do to support this pregnancy. Through NIPT we found out we are having a baby girl due June 2026. We are excited and her brothers are excited. I just can’t wait for her to be in my arms.
When I lost little man, I joined support groups and took solace in pages that aligned with pregnancy loss. One of those pages is “Journey for Jasmine”, it helped me feel like I could talk about lil man. That I didn’t need to be afraid of everyone’s feelings because losing my son didn’t mean I couldn’t talk about him. That I could share him. It gave me courage to honor him even more and in the ways I needed. When I saw the posts about the skirt and the women’s stories, it was beautiful. I hated that we had all gone through our losses, but seeing them and reading through their stories was an honor. I knew that when I became pregnant again, this was something I would love to be a part of. Share my beautiful angel and the hope I carried that would bring me to my rainbow.
Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.
Make sure to follow Journey For Jasmine on Instagram, Facebook, and Tik-Tok!
Listen to the Finding Hope After Loss Podcast!