I had my first child Willow in March 2018. She was my first ever pregnancy and it was your typical run of the mill pregnancy. No complications, easy, uneventful pregnancy. Simple vaginal birth, no tears. No problems. The only issue was she spent 2 days in special care because she swallowed a lot of fluid on her way out.
Once she hit 2 my partner and I decided it would be a good time to try for a sibling. 3 years apart is a good distance.
Our first two attempts failed with early miscarriages. The first at 6 weeks in February 2020 and the second in April 2020. The second was more traumatic than the first as I didn’t pass naturally like the first and had to carry bub for 9 days before going in for a D&C.
We were confused as to why this had happened especially when my first ever pregnancy was what you could call a perfect pregnancy. But we pushed on and in July we found out I was pregnant again.
I was an absolute wreck. Once I hit 7 weeks, I paid to go for a scan every week just to make sure this baby was okay until I hit 20 weeks when I went for my morphology scan. Once I had the 20 weeks scan I thought this is it I’m safe. We found out at 15 weeks that this baby was a boy. Our pigeon pair. We were set and that was it no more babies for us. My partner was planning on getting the snip. Everything was smooth sailing from there. I went for a check up scan at 32 weeks as baby had been measuring a bit big. No issues there all the boys on both sides of the family where no smaller than 8 pound. My daughter was one ounce shy off being a 9 pounder.
They decided to book another scan at 36 weeks as little man was measuring more than 7 days ahead, no problems booked in for the next scan.
Fast forward to the scan I was 36 weeks 4 days. Bub was measuring at 39+ weeks already sitting at 8pound. So the doctor booked me in for an induction at 38 weeks.
But 3 days later was when our whole world changed. I was sitting on my bed and I said to my partner that I don’t remember baby moving today. He might of but I don’t remember it. So we got ready and went up to the hospital.
They confirmed that he no longer had a heart beat and had passed. My whole world shattered. We had my mother in law come and pick up my daughter and then we made the phone calls to all the important family members to let them know.
I got induced the next day on the 21/02/21 and gave birth at 37 weeks, 1 day to my beautiful angel baby boy Parker Raymond at 10:49pm weighing 8pound 2 ounces and 53cm long.
We were blessed to be at the hospital we at with the facilities they had as they had a floor dedicated to Bereavement and we got to spend 4 days with him as they had a cold/cuddle cot. Those four days we will forever cherish. Our daughter met him and was instantly in love and still to this day talks about her little brother that lives in the stars. We celebrated his first birthday recently with cake and balloons.
We found out through autopsy that it was due a placenta issue called delayed villious maturation. Which is when the placenta doesn’t completely attach cause if blood flow and supply issues and due to bub getting so big the placenta couldn’t keep up with what he needed resulting in it burning out and dying and him following lead.
But we found out 2 months before hand that I was pregnant. I am now currently 35 weeks with our rainbow and absolutely excited but terrified at the same time. My placenta is at the front so the movements are there I can feel them but it’s quite different from the last two pregnancies which makes my anxiety worse but have been seeing a therapist to help deal with all of the emotions surrounding this pregnancy.
I’m booked in for my induction at 37 weeks and ready to have this baby in my arms safe and sound.
We’ve decided not to find out the gender this time around and my daughter is beyond excited to have another sibling. She even talks about how Parker will love the baby as well which makes it better.
I still miss him everyday and have him home with us and every where I got with his ashes in a pendant next to my heart.
This pregnancy is absolutely terrifying but we will continue carry on.
This baby is already so loved and cherished but our son won’t ever be forgotten.
It’s time to bring on a new adventure.
Photos taken by Tresor Photography.
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