Hi, I’m Hailey! The mother of two beautiful angel boys and one sweet healthy girl on the way. I’m blessed to say that other than loss, my experience with pregnancy has been beautiful and I can genuinely say that even in our losses, God has certainly been good to us.
In the early spring of 2021 my husband and I, freshly married, began thinking of all the cute baby names we wanted on our list. On our way to pick up sushi the song “Rise up” by Cain came on and we immediately knew the name Lazarus was gonna be the first on our list.
In October of 2021 we began to finally feel comfortable praying that God would grow our family if that was His will. Funny enough a day later I found out I was pregnant. In a new state and very unfamiliar with our first pregnancy and limited connections, neither of us had any idea what to do. Full of nerves and excitement the next day, we went to our church that we had just began attending for a prayer meeting. When we were leaving after praying for our unborn baby, the car parked next to us had a bumper sticker that stated “Pregnant and need help?” The number led me to a Christian women’s center that would support us through each milestone, difficulty and everything in between.
Everything was going so great and the excitement continued to build…. until week 12. Our baby’s little heart looked to be exposed. We were sent to the hospital to see what was really going on. Boy the nerves inside of me that day and the prayers I prayed. We arrived, they ran some tests and did a couple of ultrasounds and we were told everything was fine and we were so relieved. We had our next appointment about a month later only to be told the same thing looked worse.
We got referred to MFM (maternal fetal medicine) to go in for our anatomy scan. Following our ultrasound the Dr told us it wasn’t just his heart it was all of his organs that didn’t have protection. We were told we should’ve seen a genetic counselor before getting pregnant and that we should terminate but we knew our boys life was in Gods hands. Our lives looked so different that day. By this point I would say we had roots in our community and we were able to find endless support from church family and so many prayer warriors. We wouldn’t have been able to walk the valley we did without them. So many appointments and tests and bad news after bad news. It was draining!!
A sweet friend threw a baby shower for us, but it felt more like a funeral. There were a couple of fun games but mostly crying and praying and loads of grief knowing our boy Laz was barely holding on. A day later I felt him move for the last time and we rushed to the hospital to learn his little heart stopped and we needed to schedule an induction. We were scheduled to be induced at 10pm on April 29th but my body went into labor early that morning instead. Our sweet boy Lazarus James Forney was born at 9:58pm on April 29th. 31 weeks I got to spend with him. They were some of the hardest but also some of the best. They tested my faith and brought me to my knees!
Another move to a somewhat familiar state and about 10 months later came another positive pregnancy test. My husband and I both were so anxious because we didn’t want to go through another loss but we were also so excited that God was giving us another chance and had hope that maybe things would go well this time. We have learned that Gods plans frequently look much different than our own and that’s hard but boy have I learned what a blessing His plans can be when I can just be still and trust Him.
At 12 weeks with our second pregnancy another complication was found that looked to be genetic. We learned it was a boy and the next name on our list was Nehemiah, meaning “comforted by God”. We were so happy and still had all the faith that everything would be okay. 4 weeks later Nehemiah joined his big brother in heaven. The pain and anger inside of me turned me into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Holding onto so much grief started to affect my physical health. I wanted to let my body have another chance at growing a life but the health problems my grief was causing hindered my body from getting pregnant again.
I slowly allowed myself to heal, spiritually and emotionally and it was like my body just knew what to do. After a year and a half of trying God blessed me with a positive test with our healthy girl that we are so close to meeting. Words can’t even begin to express how grateful we are for the grace and blessing God has poured upon us and the ways He continues to guide and comfort us. In writing my story I am reminded to hold on to the truth of Gods word and the faithfulness He continues to show me.
““For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Photos taken by Rose Bye Photography.
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