My name is Chloe, and on the 27 th of August 2024 our first-born son Oakley was born forever sleeping at 37+2 weeks.
I have always wanted and dreamed of being a mum and I wanted to start a family for a long time, in May 2023 me and my partner bought our first house and in January 2024 we found out we were pregnant, after taking multiple tests each day as I couldn’t believe we were pregnant. The joy and happiness we felt when we saw that positive test is something I will never forget.
The pregnancy was fairly easy, at 8 weeks we had a little scare as I had some bleeding, but we saw our little baby on screen with a very strong heartbeat. The bleeding stopped after a week and everything on all our following scans showed that everything was progressing as normal. Oakley was always so stubborn during our scans and was never in the correct positions, but I guess he just takes after me.
However, this all changed at 34 weeks when I started to have several episodes of reduced movements and had to go to the maternity unit. At 36+6 weeks I was admitted into hospital for low fluid and reduced movements. We were kept in and monitored for several days until the Thursday when the consultant was ‘happy’ with everything, and we discharged back under the care of my community midwife.
The next day on Friday the 23 rd of August I went into hospital again with reduced movements, thinking it would be a quick visit and to be told again that our baby was doing fine. However, I knew there was something wrong after two midwifes struggled to get his heartbeat to show on the monitor, we were then asked to move into a private room, where there were 4 midwifes and 2 consultants and we were then given the news that our baby boy Oakley had no heartbeat. The silence and the look on the midwife and consultants’ faces is something I will never forget.
I remember waking up in the hospital at 37 weeks and looking at my partner saying we had made it as we had hit full term, and we were now on the home run and our baby would be with us any day. At no point I thought this would be the outcome, I thought that our baby might be born poorly or need some help, but I never imagine we wouldn’t be bringing our baby boy home. I then was told by the midwifes that I would need to be induced and I would have to deliver my baby born sleeping.
Oakley Jenson was born sleeping on the 27 th of August 2024 at 00.02, weighing 5lbs 9oz, he was very long and perfect. We spent the day in hospital with Oakley creating and making memories, getting his hand and footprints, having casting done, photos taken and time spent holding him.
In February 2025 we found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby. After losing Oakley I never thought that I would get pregnant again and even though it only took us 3 months to conceive again, these months truly felt like a lifetime. I became obsessive with tracking my ovulation, my cycle testing and temping which was very different from our pregnancy with Oakley. I am forever grateful to have fallen pregnant quickly again and even though this pregnancy was terrifying we hoped and prayed that the outcome this time would be very different.
Pregnancy after loss is a crazy, hard journey, its questioning everything and anything anyone says, never trusting what any professional says as it wasn’t okay last time so why would it be this time, its overthinking and obsessing over every symptom or lack of symptom, its happiness, joy, fear and panic all at the same time. I truly didn’t realise what pregnancy after loss was like, and I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have been through it.
I will be forever grateful for our midwife Tanya and our bereavement midwife Louise, they have truly made this journey of PAL that little bit easier, easing and listening to all my fears and worries and have been there whenever I have needed them, I don’t think they realize the true impact they have had. We will forever be grateful that they were both there during my C-section to welcome Paisley Oakley into this world. If you are going through PAL please find a midwife that is right for you as I really do think they have an such an impact on this journey.
We will forever be grateful for our children and so grateful to have fallen pregnant again. Our son Oakley will never be a storm, we will forever miss him and wish that life would be different. Oakley may not be here, but he is and will always be our son.
Photos taken by Jade Milner Photography.
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