My husband and I found out in late November of 2020 that I was pregnant. But the joy we felt at that time was short-lived. We discovered a few weeks later, three days before Christmas, that our baby was no longer alive.
That was, and still is, one of the hardest realizations I have ever had to come to. That of carrying death within my body.
It took three more weeks for me to miscarry. I labored at home for several hours, but, after I passed out on the bathroom floor, my husband had to take me to the emergency room. I delivered our baby, our little Peanut, there, in an ER patient room.
In the weeks between our diagnosed missed miscarriage, and the birth of our baby, I did a ton of searching. I was already a doula, and I wanted to know all the evidence, all the options that I had for when I finally did give birth.
But there isn’t much information out there. In the year since our miscarriage, I have discovered more information, and even added a certification as a bereavement doula. But I’m learning there still isn’t a lot of accessible information for people going through pregnancy loss or pregnancy after loss.
Thus, The Pregnancy After Loss Doula was born. My goal was (and is) to provide as much information to moms who are pregnant after loss as I possibly can. And, maybe, along the way, offer some of them support and encouragement. PALD has grown into something bigger than I ever imagined, and it is still growing!
This past June, after almost a year and a half of struggling with some infertility, I learned that I was finally pregnant! I had all the head-knowledge of what to do. I knew it would be hard. But I never expected the level to which I would struggle. Pregnancy after loss is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, outside of losing our first baby. But, Lord willing, we’ll get to meet our rainbow baby earthside very soon!
Our PAL journey is almost done. To those still in the trenches, I want you to know you’re not alone. There are so many amazing women who are going through, or who have been through, what you’re experiencing now. There is hope. There is support. You are loved.
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