On October 6, 2018 my husband Kyle and I were married. It was one of the happiest days of our lives. We had been through so much already as a couple, and couldn’t wait to start a family together. We talked about how many children we wanted, and even had names picked out before we were even married. We were so excited to begin our lives together, but didn’t realize what life had in store for us.
We decided to wait a few months to begin our journey of starting a family after marriage. In April of 2019, we had our first positive pregnancy test! We were both so excited, and called the doctor’s office for an appointment. On our way to our first appointment, we even recorded a special message for our soon to be little baby. However, a few weeks later, I began to bleed. I was at a friends house for a house warming party when it started. I freaked out, and contacted my doctor’s office immediately. They sent me in for a check on my HCG levels. I went in for a blood draw, and a second blood draw 2 days later. The office called me, and wanted me to come in to talk with my doctor.
I had suffered a miscarriage. May 24, 2019. My doctor sat me down, and we had a discussion. He told me that it wasn’t my fault, and that these things happen, to not worry and that I could try again after my cycle restarted.
Being the glass half full kind of person I am, I was excited to try again. We waited for my cycle to reset, and tried again. Soon after we had our second positive pregnancy test! The excitement returned, but some negative thoughts still lingered. Everything seemed to be going well. We made it past the 6 week mark! That was such a relief. We had a sonogram scheduled at 10 weeks. My husband and I went in to the office so excited to see our baby for the first time. We sat down with the sonographer. This was our first ever sonogram that we had experienced, so we were both nervous yet excited at the same time. She explained what she was going to be doing, and started looking around. A few minutes in, we both figured out something was wrong. She stood up and said she would be right back. I told my husband something wasn’t right. She returned with our doctor, and he took a look. Then, he took us in to another room. We had another “talk”, this time explaining that there was no heartbeat.
The baby was measuring at 9 weeks and 3 days. So the baby did grow, but for some reason something happened to stop this process. He gave us 3 options, to wait to miscarry naturally, to take a prescribed pill to begin the miscarriage process, or to have a D & C. I decided to try the pill. This didn’t work, and the weekend passed. My doctor called to see if it had. When I told him it hadn’t he offered a D & C, or to just wait for the natural miscarriage to begin. I decided to wait. I wasn’t ready to have a medical procedure, and after reading some horror stories online, I terrified myself. At week 13, my miscarriage finally began. I bled heavily for 18 hours straight. It was one of the worst feelings I have ever had to endure. September 6, 2019.
After that, I went through one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I had worked on the same shift at the same place throughout our entire relationship. A few months prior, he had an opportunity to start a new career, and we couldn’t turn down this opportunity. I worked nights, while he worked days. We never saw each other. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I don’t remember much, other than not ever wanting to get out of bed and the hate I felt for myself and my body. I knew I had to change shifts. I applied for some different positions that were open on day shifts, and finally landed one. However, I had to train my replacement, and had to stay on nights for 3 more months. I finally did get to days, and I noticed a change in my attitude. I was happier, but I still had that void.
We decided to wait a while until we tried again. I didn’t want to return to my depression that I was dealing with. Meanwhile, covid came and we had our minds elsewhere. We were both working lots of overtime, and seemed to be very tired whenever we were home. Towards the end of 2020, we decided to try again. Eureka, our 3rd positive pregnancy test. However, the bleeding soon returned. My doctor sent me again for HCG level tests. Another miscarriage. January 28, 2021. Into the room I went for another talk. This time, he explained that he thought it was time we reached out to a specialist, as this was not his area of expertise. He explained that it could be many things, and to not get our hopes down.
I spoke with a specialist through a virtual appointment. She had read through my file, and told me she thought I had something called anti-phospholipid syndrome. This was some sort of a blood clotting disorder that is genetic. What she thought was causing all my issues was a blood clot that would stop blood flow to the placenta. She sent me for 2 different blood tests. When the results came in, it was not anti-phospholipid syndrome. Instead I was diagnosed as being ANA positive. This gave us some answers, but still more questions. ANA positive is a sort of auto immune disorder that can cause issues in the future. Some people go their entire lives without even realizing they have this. For now, we needed to come up with a plan to get and stay pregnant.
The game plan was I would start taking a baby aspirin every day with food before conceiving. I started this right away. Soon after, we had our 4th positive pregnancy test. The excitement returned, but still that lingering worry was there. I called my regular OB, and contacted the specialist as well. My specialist had me come to her office at week 5 for a sonogram. At the sonogram, they said I was a little early, and they couldn’t see a heartbeat just yet. She assured me that this was normal. She prescribed Lovenox, which is a blood thinner that is injected in to the stomach once a day. I started the prescription that night. Nervous, as I had never injected anything into myself in my entire life, I gave myself the first injection. It burned like nothing else I have ever felt before. I thought “I have to do this every night for the entire pregnancy? Is it worth it?” I decided it was. It was what I wanted more than anything in the world.
I returned to my specialist weekly for sonograms until I reached 20 weeks. Then we slowed down to every 2 weeks. Mind you I had to drive over an hour to reach her location. We live in a rural area, and don’t have as many specialists as the city does. It was worth it. The pregnancy progressed! We found out we were having a little boy! As the pregnancy progressed, we found out he was in the breech position, and we prepared for a C-Section.
My regular OB was able to conduct the delivery. The morning of, we were sitting in our room nervous as ever. We finally made it. Never ever had we dreamed we would make it this far. They took us back for the C-Section. We finally were able to meet our sweet baby boy! Desmond James was born on June 13, 2022. We had waited so long for this moment to finally become a reality. We took our new little bundle of joy home with us the following night. We were in love.
Watching him grow, seeing all the milestones, hearing him laugh, it was all worth it. He was worth every tear, every shot, everything we went through, it was all worth it.
We knew we had wanted 2 children. When Desmond turned 1, we decided to try again for another. During this time, one of our local hospitals had closed, and my OB had retired. I had reached out to another OB at another local hospital who had worked with my original OB. I had scheduled an annual with her. Before I was able to attend my appointment, we had our 5th positive pregnancy test. I had already started on my baby aspirin, and was ready. I called the new OB office to schedule an appointment. They scheduled me for a virtual appointment at 9 weeks. I told the receptionist that I needed to be seen earlier due to my condition, and she said she would relay the message to the OB. Meanwhile, I contacted my specialist. Unfortunately, due to insurance issues, they need a referral from an OB in order to be seen.
While waiting for the OB to reply, I started to bleed yet again. I contacted the OB, and they sent me in for HCG blood draw. While using the MyChart app, I found out that it was yet another miscarriage. I didn’t hear anything from the new OB. No phone calls, no messages in MyChart, nothing. I decided to keep my 9 week virtual appointment. During this appointment, I spoke with a nurse practitioner. One of the first things she said to me was “I see that you are 9 weeks pregnant.” Those words struck me. I smiled and replied that I believe I had a miscarriage. She quickly began looking through my records, and saw the HCG levels blood draw, and immediately apologized. She instructed me to contact the office and to schedule another annual, and to discuss my “infertility” issues.
This was the first time that anyone had referred to my issue as “infertility”. I never considered my auto immune disorder to cause infertility. After all, I was able to get pregnant, but just wasn’t able to stay pregnant.
I contacted the OB, scheduled an appointment, and went in for an annual and discussed my issues. The new OB assured me that I could start again as soon as I’d like, and that she was confident that she could handle everything in house. I wouldn’t have to drive to see the specialist. She told me to contact the office as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, and they would bring me in for a sonogram to get me started on the Lovenox.
A month later, we had our 6th positive pregnancy test. I called the OB office right away, and they sent me in for an HCG blood draw to make sure that my levels were increasing. At 4 ½ weeks, they were increasing. The next step was to bring me in for a sonogram. At 5 ½ weeks, I went in to my OB office for a sonogram. The sonographer started looking. She told me she couldn’t see a heartbeat, and thought that I was actually a week earlier than what my cycle was saying. She could see a sac and a yolk, but still too early to detect a heartbeat. They told me they were going to schedule me to return in 2 weeks for another sonogram. I told her that I didn’t think that was right, and she spoke to another OB, who agreed with her.
I left the office in tears. No one believed me that I needed to be on the Lovenox ASAP. As a last resort, my husband told me I should try the specialist again to see if they could do anything. So I called and left a message. They called me right back, and told me they were calling in a prescription for the Lovenox for me to pick up. She also wanted to see me the following week for a sonogram. I had to call my insurance company to verify they would cover the costs of seeing a specialist without a referral, and they told me I didn’t need one, it was covered. I was so happy and fortunate for this.
That night, I picked up my prescription, and started my Lovenox right away. The burning sensation had returned, and I knew it would be all worth it in the end. The following week I drove to my specialist’s office excited for what I would see, and it was a heartbeat! It was another one of the happiest days of my life, seeing that heartbeat yet again.
The pregnancy progressed, and we found out we were having another little boy. We were over the moon with happiness. We found out later on in the pregnancy that during my first C Section with Desmond, they had to make a T incision on my uterus due to fibroids that had grown. This meant that I needed to have another C Section and that I needed to deliver at 36 weeks.
We delivered our 2nd bundle of joy on June 10th, 2024 Declan Alexander, just 3 days before his brother’s birthday. Another sweet little boy to love on. For now, our family seems to be complete, but we still have those “what ifs”. What if we didn’t have all these issues, would we have considered more children? What if we had a daughter?
For now, we are so happy and in love with both of our Rainbow Babies. They are the best thing that has ever happened to us. Both boys have taught us so many different things in life. Especially that waiting and fighting is always worth it!
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