In January of 2022, my husband and I found out we were pregnant again. We were so excited to give Adalyn (first pregnancy and daughter born August 2020) a sibling, due right after her 2nd birthday! On March 1st, at our first ultrasound, we found out it was conjoined twins (Thoraco-omphalopagus). The next two weeks were a big blur, filled with ultrasounds and seeing specialists. After learning about the way they were conjoined, seeing signs of congestive fetal heart failure, what my body would have to go through if we continued, and a 0% chance of survival, we decided it was best to end the pregnancy.
Our health insurance company wouldn’t cover the procedure. We couldn’t afford to pay the $5,000 the hospital required. Planned Parenthood 1.5 hours away told us $495 and we made the appointment. It sucked. Everything from the protestors outside to being put in this situation in the first place.
Our TFMR (termination for medical reasons) was done March 14th, at 13 weeks. We were and still are heartbroken. Our pregnancy was planned and so very wanted. It was the most difficult choice I have ever had to make, yet the one that made the most sense for myself and our family.
17 months later, we found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. While so ecstatic to be pregnant after trying all those months, every ultrasound I find myself holding my breath waiting for news of something wrong. But so far at 32 weeks, baby boy is healthy and due to arrive June 25th.
Its been over 2 years and some days it feels like yesterday. Grief is not linear. Many days are great and other days it hits me and I don’t want to leave the house.
But once I hold this baby in our arms, I know it will have all been worth it.
Photos taken by Alisa Grieve Photography.
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