In the summer of 2023, my husband left for deployment when I was 24 weeks. His deployment was set to be close to a year long. This was my 4th pregnancy. My other pregnancies I had pre eclampsia 2x and gestational hypertension. I went into this pregnancy expecting to again go earlier because of my high blood pressure. At 24 weeks, my BP was still good and everything was the best it had ever been.
At this time, we didn’t know if my husband would be able to hop on a plane to try to get home for our scheduled c-section. I sat down with my doctor and we had a plan for a scheduled c-section (my 4th c/s) on September 11, 2023. Since we had a date, we went through RedCross to notify them I was high risk due to my other pregnancies. We purchased a ticket. We had everything planned out.
I had a dr appointment on 8/28 and everything was beautiful. He had a healthy heartbeat and my blood pressure was so normal. My dr told me if I had any issues (since I have a history) with bp he was on call on Thursday, 8/31. I took note of when he was on call for some reason but put it to the back of my mind.
On 8/31, after taking my girls to dance I noticed I had lack of movement from baby boy. I immediately took note of the time and tried everything to get him to move while I waited for my girls. I texted my mom to tell her I wasn’t having movement. It was the feeling of “I’m telling her because I think I need to go in.” My mom immediately told me to drop my other 3 kids off with family and let’s go up to Atlanta. My hospital was over an hour away. I knew my dr was on call that night because I had a dr appointment 2 days before.
Around 8-9pm we made it to Northside Atlanta. When we got there my bp was 215/120 (something high like that). I just knew that drive up there our Bo hadn’t moved and I had a feeling it was really bad. They kept me in the ER for about 30 min and finally got me to triage to try to get him with a Doppler. I tried to tell them he sits on the left side and I was so far along if you weren’t getting him it’s not good.
They couldn’t get him on the Doppler and immediately brought a nurse to come get me to put me in a room to get him on the monitor. At some point, there was 7 nurses coming in and out. I looked at my mom and all I saw was the panic on her face. I knew. I knew for whatever reason Bo wasn’t here anymore. They called my dr and till he came in they called another one to get an ultrasound. The dr came in and said “get her dr here ASAP”. At that point, I knew and I made her tell me. She kept going “honey let’s wait for your dr.” I kept going “why just tell me?! Just tell me” she looked at me with such pity and goes “your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” I screamed the whole floor down because even though I knew those words were final. Almost immediately my words were “how do I tell my husband that’s over 7,000 miles away. How do I tell my 3 kids that expect us to bring home a baby in a week.”
The Red Cross was activated and they got him home 3 days later. I chose to wait on my c section and tell our kids when he finally made it home. I had to go home (or my parents) and act like it was okay or time was sitting still waiting on my husband. My kids knew something was up but none of them asked. Our oldest was 7 years old a month away from 8. She knew something was wrong. My dr was okay waiting 4 days for my husband to be there with me. They just warned us our baby’s body would already have started the process of decomposing. But I knew there was no other choice.
We learned in my c section everything was perfectly fine. I was convinced the cord was wrapped because he was so active. But the cord looked fine. They sent my placenta off and it came back normal. We didn’t do an autopsy. To this day I’m not sure what the right call was. Everything appeared normal. I didn’t want to have an autopsy say he was perfect and still be left with no answers. I’m not sure. My husband after our son’s funeral went back to deployment. It’s been a rough road. We’re learning to live with grief. Through all this I’ve learned hospitals NEED to be trained properly for stillbirth and loss. I have PTSD from smells. My hospital had no cooling bed which I found out later they were donated one and just don’t know what it is. Nurses ignored me. I wasn’t given post partum supplies or food. Nurses didn’t handle our baby. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep changed him so we could get photos. Hospitals should be required to have training and up to date on it. My hospital didn’t have Rachel’s Gift and I wish they did. I’m blessed to have a huge support system. But there’s going to be someone that comes through that hospital that doesn’t have it. And that’s sad. Things HAVE to change. That’s one of my goals through all this.
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