My husband and I married in June 2017 and fairly soon after, we hoped for children. We both come from large families and desired a similar path for ourselves. We anticipated I would be pregnant quickly…and sadly, we were wrong.
Nearly 2 years of trying later, our first pregnancy came to be. We were so excited, and so unaware of what would be ahead of us.
12 weeks into our pregnancy, I miscarried, in a hotel room about a thousand miles from home. It felt like the thing I had worked so hard for, prayed for, waited for, and longed desperately for was ripped away at a moment’s notice. It was very taxing, as you can imagine, and it took away any innocence I once felt about pregnancy and loss.
Not long after that, we experienced what appeared to be a very early pregnancy loss and once again, we were completely shattered. My body was in shambles from back to back losses, and we were emotionally and spiritually feeling very empty.
Not long after the losses, my husband and I moved to a new town. We put trying to conceive behind us and had decided to take time off, hoping to heal and restore ourselves a bit. Much to our surprise, just one month later, I found out I was pregnant again.
The pregnancy, though complicated and worrisome, made it all the way past term. Our double rainbow son was born in the height of the pandemic in June 2020 and spent 5 days in the NICU after a traumatic labor and delivery.
After about a year, we decided to try for another child. Very quickly, we discovered we were expecting, and very quickly following that, we had another very early loss. We were saddened, but determined. We had been through it before and knew we could get through it again.
A few months later, we got pregnant again. I could’ve never imagined what would happen after seeing those two pink lines. I was nervous but we were also excited at the possibility of another child.
When I was 8 weeks pregnant, I saw, for the second time, a heartbeat and a healthy baby, despite some serious concerns in the pregnancy that my OB refused to take seriously. Just two days later, I began to experience very scary symptoms. After a few hours, my husband and I determined I should be seen.
We sat in the ER waiting room for 3 hours. I was bleeding heavily and essentially miscarried in a wheelchair with a chuck pad under me. The pain was so vast that I told my husband I just wanted to die. They finally came to get me and immediately the doctor ordered an ultrasound and an MRI.
I had seen enough ultrasounds to know what was going on – our baby had died, and left me already. The tech could not confirm anything but I knew and so did my husband. A while after, the doctor confirmed it. The imaging showed some concerning things and I advocated for surgery, as I knew something was off.
The on call OBGYN looked at my images and turned me away. I was discharged with a pain medicine prescription and an urgent OB referral. When I pressed, I was told the OBGYN did not want to perform an operation on me due to a rare uterine anomaly I have had since birth…that it was too “complicated”
I was livid, but I could not fight it. We went home and tried our best to rest, but I couldn’t. No OBs would see me quickly apart from the one I hadn’t liked, but I took an appointment with him out of desperation.
Just a few hours later, I felt feverish. I was red, hot, cold, and I began to start blacking out. I vomited while my husband called the OB and asked what to do. They told him to get me back to a hospital.
Upon triage, the nurse noticed my vital signs looking very bad, and called for sepsis protocol. They moved me to a room quickly and immediately acted, getting all that they needed to diagnose.
It turns out, I had become septic from an incomplete miscarriage. It would have been resolved had things been different the night before. Later that day, the OB performed a lengthy d&c that was nearly a hysterectomy. I spent three nights following the surgery on the postpartum floor on heavy antibiotics and in total shock and disbelief.
Moving on from such a thing was no easy feat. My husband and I grieved heavily and were shaken by the events that had occurred. Nevertheless, about 7 months later, the Lord granted us another chance at parenthood. We conceived, found a new and better doctor, and later that year we welcomed our second miracle baby – another boy, who spent a week in the NICU, and came home just after Christmas Day.
Since then, we have also had another baby…a daughter. Our three earthly children are true miracles and blessings that we do not take for granted, knowing our story could’ve ended so differently. As we await the day we are reunited with our four heavenly babies, we remember them, speak their names, and cherish every moment we shared on earth.
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