My Husband and I started trying to conceive in 2014. We were not having any luck getting pregnant, so in 2014 we went to the Fertility Specialist. After a rollercoaster of 3 failed IUI’s, we decided to take a break from trying. Bam, we got pregnant the next month. December 2015, we found out we were 6 weeks along at a routine gyno appointment. We were definitely not expecting to come out of the doctors office with a sonogram of our baby. We were over the moon, and so excited to tell our family!
A week later, I started bleeding. I just knew we were miscarrying. Sobbing uncontrollably, I called my doctor, who had me come in right away. They still saw the baby’s heart beat, and told me to go home and be on bed rest for a few days. I went back to the doctor a few days later, and the baby did not have a heartbeat. I was hurt, confused, and most of all angry that the sweet baby I already loved so much was gone. I wound up having a DNC because I bled so much and my body was not passing the fetus like it should have been. I remember going into the OR, scared to death, and my doctor looking at me and asking if it would be ok to pray over me and my baby. I somehow managed to say “I would love that” through my tears. He performed the DNC and I was sent home.
Fast forward to today, 2020, we have had 5 miscarriages, and have 6 angel babies, one being a twin pregnancy. It took so much to get where we are today, but I am so thankful to the many doctors and specialists that we have seen over the years to get us both of our Rainbow babies. We had our son, Tucker, in August of 2017, and Miss Sophia in October 2020.
We found out when we were pregnant with Tucker that I have a rare blood clotting condition called Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome. I was put on 3 injections during that pregnancy, which while they were so painful, I knew it was the only was to possibly keep my baby alive. He was born as perfect as could be and is now a happy and sometimes stubborn 3 year old.
After his successful pregnancy, we found out we were expecting twin boys. We could not believe it! We were so overjoyed with excitement. At 10 weeks, we found out that neither of the boys had a heartbeat. Another DNC was scheduled and again, the pain of every loss before came flooding back to my memories. Each loss made me question my faith. Why would I be give the chance to be these babies mommy, just to have them ripped from me, over and over again? I was at the point that I was just numb, going through the same motions over and over like a zombie.
In February 2020, we found out we were expecting again! We tried so hard not to get too excited about this little one just in case it was not meant to be. Month by month, we got good news as I went to my doctor appointments. Maybe this one was going to stick! The entire pregnancy went just like it should, as I continued all the injections like I did with Tucker’s pregnancy. Week 38 came around and we delivered Miss Sophia James. Perfect in every way!
While over the past 6 years we have had many obstacles, I know that God had a plan for us, for our little family. He knew I was strong enough to be able to handle so many losses, and I actually think that made me stronger as a person. I love talking to women who have experienced a recent loss. I love trying to help them express what happened and get their feelings out in the open. I also love sharing my experiences and knowledge to help them know they are not alone.
October is my favorite month, not because it’s fall, or pumpkin season, but because it is Pregnancy Infant Loss Awareness Month. A time for us to reflect and celebrate our angel babies. A time for us to light a candle or do something in memory of them.
If you would like more information or would like to participate in Project Finding Your Rainbow, you can read more here.