Our journey to parenthood has been filled with both heartbreak and hope. Autumn was conceived during our very first attempt at an IUI with a fertility clinic, and we were overjoyed — after three long years of trying, it finally felt like our time. Every milestone was filled with excitement and anticipation as we watched our dream unfold. Everything seemed perfect until our anatomy scan showed that she was measuring slightly small. We scheduled a follow-up ultrasound to monitor her growth, and just a week before, we had heard her strong, steady heartbeat. But on December 28th, 2023, at 32 weeks and 4 days pregnant, we heard the words no parent ever wants to hear — there was no heartbeat. I had just sent out baby shower invitations and was planning to take my maternity photos. I never got to have those photos done, and that loss made everything feel even more final. The next day, on December 29th, we met and said goodbye to our beautiful daughter, Autumn.
In the months that followed, we knew we wanted to try again, though the journey ahead was far from easy. About five or six months later, we began trying once more and eventually returned to our fertility clinic in August for another IUI. When we got the call that the test was positive, our hearts were full of hope — only to have it shattered two days later when we learned my HCG levels weren’t rising. That loss hit deeply and sent me into a dark place, one that required time, healing, and grace to climb out of. After celebrating Autumn’s first birthday in heaven, we tried again naturally, but after more heartbreak, we decided to return to the fertility clinic one last time for another IUI at the end of April. This time, the cycle was successful.
As we prepare to welcome our rainbow baby, I’ve felt an overwhelming need to honour both this pregnancy and the precious soul who first made me a mother. That desire led me to Sarah who I connected with over social media and found her Project Finding Your Rainbow — a beautiful way to celebrate the light that follows loss. Having never had the chance to take maternity photos with Autumn, these pictures now hold an even deeper meaning. Autumn’s passing brought a storm into our lives, but she herself is not the storm. She is our calm, our lesson, our love. The term rainbow baby means so much to us — it’s a reminder that even after the darkest storms, beauty can still be found. This baby will never replace Autumn, but she carries her sister’s love and legacy within her. We are filled with gratitude, healing, and hope as we prepare to welcome her into our hearts and home.
Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.
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Listen to the Finding Hope After Loss Podcast!