My journey to motherhood.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mum. My son Atlas was my 4th pregnancy after early losses. I wasn’t in a relationship with my baby’s father and he chose not to be involved. I was going solo with the support of my amazing mum dad and sister. After getting past the first 12 weeks. I started to feel that I was finally going to get the chance to be the mum I always wanted to be.
I was never naive to the fact that some babies don’t get to stay having a couple of friends that had to say goodbye too soon to their precious babies and working in an emergency setting in the hospital. After a reasonably uneventful pregnancy, with a few episodes of reduced movement. I went for my 32-week scan to be told that baby’s growth had slowed down but they weren’t too concerned and I was booked for another scan 2 weeks later. 3 days after that scan I tested positive for covid and that was when the big problems started. My baby’s movement slowed right down. After attending triage 5 out of 7 days for reduced/no movement, I was scanned 3 times and put on the CTG monitor every visit to be told everything was fine. Deep down as a mother I knew it wasn’t. In the early hours of the 6th day with no movement still and now experiencing abdominal pain I went back to triage to be told what no mother should ever have to deal with. My baby had died at 34+2 weeks. I was informed about what was going to happen next and transferred to a delivery suite to be induced. I was induced at 12:30pm and I welcomed my sleeping son at 22:15 pm that evening with my mum and sister by my side.
I didn’t find out my baby’s gender throughout the pregnancy but always had a feeling that he was a boy. I spent 3 days with Atlas in hospital in an amazing suite called the snowdrop making the most treasured memories and keepsakes with my mum. My dad and sister visited every day and we spent time together as a family.
Fast forward 4 months and living in a haze. I had grown closer to my ex-boyfriend that had been in the background and quietly supportive all the way through my pregnancy. We had a conversation one day about me wanting another baby and he was more than happy to help me on that journey. We decided to try 2 months later and to my surprise I fell pregnant. I have been and still am very cautiously optimistic that I will get to bring this baby home safely. At the time of the pictures, I am 16-weeks pregnant but I am currently 27-weeks. I have had a few bleeds due to a low-lying placenta but things are looking positive. Me and baby are being well looked after with regular scans and check-ups. Pregnancy after loss is such a rollercoaster and I’m so scared but I’m very hopeful to welcome this little one into the world.
Bodhi Atlas was born safely on November 25th.
Rio Atlas’ Mummy.
You can follow Rio on Instagram @still_your_mummy_atlas
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