At 20 weeks I found out my son had a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and on further testing found he also had Edwards syndrome. He passed away when I was 23 weeks pregnant.
I struggled to grieve and instead threw myself into the idea that I must be pregnant again and ‘replace’ the baby I had lost.
I became pregnant another 2 times both of which resulted in early miscarriages at 8 and 11 weeks. Again I didn’t grieve either of these times.
I was pregnant again and began bleeding at 10 weeks. I couldn’t believe that this was happening again so I went to the hospital and demanded to be seen by the early pregnancy unit. They found that my baby was still alive but I had a large subchorionic hematoma. I continued bleeding throughout my whole pregnancy and my baby was given a 10% chance of surviving.
I lived in the hospital for 4 months and spent every day in fear that I was going to lose another baby.
Finally he was born a healthy happy huge 10lb5 baby and I had the baby I’d wish for for so long despite all the odds.
He is 7 now and I have since become a qualified counsellor determined to help other mums like me. I am currently in the process of setting up a community in my local town for mums who have experienced loss and will offer private counselling as well as support groups and classes. You can follow Nicola on Instagram @mutuallymums
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