Hello! My name is Micayla, and our journey to parenthood has looked very different than I ever imagined.
My husband, Andrew, and I were married in September of 2018 and decided to start the journey to grow our family in 2020. I am a mental health counselor working primarily with children and adolescents, and have always held a special place in my heart for little ones. You can usually find me spending time with the kids at gatherings rather than socializing with the adults, and I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. The prospect of entering into this stage in our lives was beautiful.
After about 10 months of ttc unsuccessfully, we discovered that I had polyps in my uterus that needed to be removed. We had surgery and immediately after discovered that we were pregnant with our first child in June of 2021. The pregnancy was challenging, as I dealt with extreme morning sickness and then experienced my first large bleed at 10 weeks and 6 days gestation. We were diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma at this point, and I continued to bleed the remainder of the pregnancy. The weeks were filled with immense fear and anxiety as the hematoma continued to grow. At 16 weeks and 5 days we had our first appointment with maternal fetal medicine, and were told that we had less than a 50% chance of reaching viability due to the constant bleeding and large size of the hematoma. We went home, praying that I could make it to viability, and planning for a long hospital stay. Unfortunately, I went into labor that Friday, although I was still in denial that it was labor. We went to the ER due to the pain that I was in early Sunday morning, and I gave birth to our sweet baby girl, Nora Marjorie, at 3:40am on October 3rd, 2021 at 17 weeks and 2 weeks gestation. I immediately hemorrhaged and had to have emergency surgery. The experience was traumatic, but our sweet girl was so perfectly formed. We were able to spend several hours with her, and I will forever cherish those memories.
We were launched into unfamiliar territory, navigating life filled with grief and uncertainty. We decided to begin trying again and became pregnant in January of 2022. This little one did not stay with us long, and we experienced an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. I remember feeling so defeated after our second loss, genuinely questioning if we would ever raise children here on earth. We continued ttc and sought the help of a fertility clinic to aid in our journey. After a failed IUI, we decided to take some time to work on our mental health. In a beautiful surprise, we discovered that we were pregnant with our daughter, Clara Kay, in December 2022.
We are navigating the journey of pregnancy after loss, and hope to welcome our sweet baby earthside September of 2023. It is hard to describe this experience to someone who has not experienced perinatal loss – the coexisting joy and grief, the rhythm of life marred by anxiety of the known, and the inexplicable yearning to hear the sweet sound of a baby born alive. We have learned the value of life in a way that we would not have been privy to otherwise, and I choose to view that as a beautiful gift from our Nora. I will continue to carry my children with me – hopeful that I will carry some in my arms – but all in my heart.
Photos taken by Mandy Kay Photography.
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