3 was the number we both dreamed of since before getting married. So when we saw those two lines saying baby #3 was on board, we got ready for all of our dreams come true. But life throws some really mad curve balls… we just did not know it then.
When we heard the words “I am sorry”… I felt like all our dreams were shattered around us. Surrounded by forever empty pictures frames.
I chose to allow my body to finish the process of my baby to be born naturally, it was hard but somehow healing. Every contraction made him even more real, validated my love, made sense of all the pain inside my heart and my mind.
We buried all the remains of him in our garden, so I could have flowers surrounding him. Life around him, promises of a future that I could not understand but that I knew I had to live, for his sisters, for him… for myself.
The emptiness was overwhelming, my arms ache for him. But I was grateful I had him and despite the pain and the confusion, he was mine.
So slowly we filled the pictures frames that were waiting for him. Memories even if shorter became his story. And we gathered the courage to try again.
For his due date (our baby’s nickname is Star), he gave me hope and a new beginning. His little sister had just started her journey inside me.
Some days are hard away from that bubble of trust and naiveness where I used to wait for my babies. Now I feel scared more than excited. But every day is a success, everyday is a day closer, everyday is a miracle, another chance to be together.
She is strong and active, and I am grateful for every kick even when straight to my bladder or ribs!
Adelyn is a gift from Heaven, hand-picked by her brother, she is holding the hugs and kisses of both of them just for me.
I am a mother of 4 babies. Though the pain of no having my Star will always live inside me until I can hold him once more, the hope and joy of knowing he is mine is worth every tear.
Grateful for my own sunshines, my star and my rainbow.
Photos taken by Wyntre T. Photography.
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