1. Describe the process of getting pregnant. Was it easy for you? Was it hard? Did you have to go through fertility treatment?
Getting pregnant wasn’t hard, the longest we had to try was 4 months. It was staying pregnant that was the hard part.
2. What was the pregnancy like? Was it easy and smooth? Hard with a lot of pregnancy symptoms?
My pregnancy was high risk and I developed pre-eclampsia, which resulted in an induction.
3. Did you have a reason why your losses occurred?
We found out that I have an iodine deficiency, my symptoms outside of pregnancy where textbook but my doctors ignored them and told me it was anxiety, even though that has never been a problem for me. Nor were my symptoms those of anxiety. I had to find someone who would run the tests for me. It confirmed my two second trimester loses were caused by insufficient iodine and that had my doctors listened to me I wouldn’t have lost those three babies.
4. How far along were you?
My first loss was ~5/6 weeks, second loss was an ectopic that was resolved at 6 weeks, third loss was at 15 weeks we named that baby Ashley (lost due to iodine deficiency), my fourth/fifth loss was identical twin girls at 13 weeks we named them Eisa and Zora (also a result of iodine deficiency).
5. What are your babies names?
Ashley, Eisa and Zora
6. What was the birthing/loss experience like?
Ectopic pregnancy is scaring since it’s life threatening. The loss of Ashley, Eisa and Zora was of course devastating. And then confirming the reason made me furious since it was preventable if my doctor would have just listened and taken my symptoms seriously.
7. Did you get to spend time with your baby or get any keepsakes?
The hospital gave us a memorial ring. But we didn’t get anything else. We opted to send the babies to the lab to try and find a reason for their loss.
8. How was the medical treatment/support during your loss?
The nurse that was their when I delivered Ashley was very sweet, the process was traumatic of course. I opted for a D&E for Eisa and Zora, I couldn’t do another delivery.
9. Did you receive support from family and friends after your loss?
My mom flew out to help and my husband’s best friend from childhood helped us when I was in the hospital for my D&E.
10. How were your emotions after loss? (Angry, sad, scared, confused, etc)
All of the emotions. My husband and I opted to go to grief counseling together to help get through everything.
11. How did you know you were ready to try again?
After the loss of Eisa and Zora I wasn’t ready to try again. I got the date wrong so miscounted and my rainbow was an accident.
12. What has the pregnancy with your rainbow baby been like?
It was terrifying, I worried every day that I would hear the words, ‘sorry there is no more heartbeat’
13. Is there anything special you do to remember your angel baby/babies?
They are being added to my tattoo for kids in the form of forget-me-nots
14. Is there anything you want others to know about going through loss?
It’s ok to grieve and don’t be afraid to seek help. It doesn’t matter how far along you were or how short your time with your baby was, they were still your baby, grieving them is natural. And as much as it sucks, you aren’t alone.
Photos taken by Renee Davis with Gold Arrow Photography LLC.
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