My husband and I got married Sept 2022. When we got married he gained two bonus daughters. My twin girls were conceived IVF. We wanted to have a baby right away and prayed it would happen fast for us. Three month after our wedding, we were pregnant! So excited and just full of hopes and dreams. It was a typical first trimester I didn’t feel great but everything was good until it wasn’t.
We went in for our 12 week apt and the doc had trouble finding our babies heart rate. I didn’t think to much of it. She said sometimes they like to hide and we would just do an ultrasound. We went into the ultrasound excited to see our baby again so soon. The doctor came in to do the ultrasound which I thought was strange. She kept looking and looking and I could see on her face something wasn’t right. I started to panic and I asked if everything was okay!? Then I heard the words no mom ever wants to hear, “ I’m so sorry, your baby has no heart beat”! In that moment I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t believe this was our story, that we had lost our baby!! We were 12 weeks almost to our second trimester. It’s not supposed to happen this late. The next few days and weeks we would walk the darkest journey we had ever walked. So much pain and sadness and just anger. I remember feeling so alone! I blamed myself for not being able to keep him safe. We named our baby and had him cremated. We wanted to honor his life!
Three month after losing our baby I had major surgery to have my thyroid removed due to having Graves’ disease for several years. I wanted to be as healthy as possible for our next pregnancy. It was a long recovery and I didn’t get the okay for several months to try get pregnant again.
When we finally got pregnant I had mixed emotions. It was what we wanted and what we prayed for, but I was terrified of reliving another loss. Every ache and pain made me nervous and as the 12 week mark of this pregnancy came upon us, my husband and I both couldn’t breathe. We had a lot of fear for sure. Through lots of prayer, we got through it.
This whole pregnancy has been hard and full of lots of emotions. Happy for this new life God has given us, but also mourning for the loss of our baby! As I approach delivery in the next ten weeks we are thankful for a healthy little boy and a healthy pregnancy.
We still think of our sweet Shiloh daily and talk about him. He was part of our life and always will be. We know we will see him again one day.
Pregnancy after loss is not easy, but it’s also beautiful! It’s a reminder that there is always hope! I never wanted infertility and pregnancy loss to be part of my story, but God had other plans!! With each difficult path life takes, I pray that God will use it to help someone else on the same road!! I pray my story gives hope and just the knowledge that you’re not alone in this and there is light in the darkest time!




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