Hi my name is Krystal and I am married to my husband Jake. We met in college when I was a junior and Jake was a senior. We quickly became best friends and started dating in 2013.
We got married in August of 2017. After getting married, I moved in with Jake and our dog Sophie for us to start this next chapter of our lives together. Even though we both wanted to be parents and have children, we didn’t live together before we got married and wanted to have a couple years together to build the foundation of our marriage before kids. We spent our time settling in to married life, enjoying time with each other and our dog, visiting friends, traveling, spending time with family and making our house a home.
Two years later in June of 2019, we were ready to try to start our family. However, we had no clue the journey this was going to be. They say it takes a village to raise a child but we were about to find out sometimes it takes a village to have a child.
Fast forward to the fall of 2019, I had a feeling sometime was off. My cycles were regular my whole life and suddenly they were all over the place and completely stopped for months at a time. I reached out to my doctor and told her my concerns and she referred me to an OB.
At this appointment, I was told that I am young, I need to stress less, eat healthy, lose some weight (I did not need to lose weight as I was 5’ 4’’ and 130 pounds), and it would happen. I felt so devastated. I was 26 at the time and so I felt young but my husband and I wanted a big family so it hurt. I felt so dismissed and lost.
The Friday before Thanksgiving my husband got laid off from his job in sales as his whole department was laid off. We continued to keep trying to grow our family with no luck and continued irregular cycles.
My husband quickly started working a job in the town we live in a week after getting laid off so he had sometime while he was trying to find another job.
In the new year, I scheduled another appointment. The doctor had the same response. The doctor said to continue trying and we would talk again in June if we still hadn’t conceived.
Then Covid hit… we continued trying.
Fast forward to June, we still were not pregnant. We had hit the year mark and my ob was finally willing to take my concerns more seriously and do some testing.
They did an ultrasound to check to see how things looked on the inside. The results came back and they told me everything looked good.
The doctor suggested we try Clomid for a couple of months. That’s what we did. No success.
In September 2020, they finally ordered some blood tests. This is when my heart was broke because some of the tests were off and they relooked at the ultrasound for June and it was in fact not normal. This is when I got diagnosed with PCOS. The doctor assured me they wouldn’t have done treatment any different if they would’ve noticed this in June.
However, at this point enough was enough (I was learning how to better advocate for myself in the medical setting) and we switched to a different clinic.
In November of 2020 we had our first consult with the new clinic. They did some additional testing and told us our options on how to proceed. We needed some time to process this all and continued to try on our own till December.
In December, we started with our preparations to hopefully get pregnant that took till March of 2021.
In May of 2021, we got the blood test results that told us we were pregnant. Our betas doubled and things were looking good. I had some spotting but the doctors said it was not enough and could be normal. We had our first ultrasound the day before my husband’s birthday towards the end of June. We were 8 weeks pregnant. We saw the yolk sac and fetal pole right away but then we knew something was wrong because the ultrasound tech’s face. She couldn’t find the heartbeat. There was no heartbeat. Those words can never get out of your head after you have heard them. I started miscarrying the baby later that day.
After this, we waited for my beta to get back to 0 and then did all the testing to make sure I was okay to try again.
In September of 2021, we found out we were pregnant again. However, my beta was a lot lower than last time. This worried me. My husband encouraged me that it was still a positive beta. However, my second beta went down and we would continue to have a chemical pregnancy.
At this point we were pretty defeated. We worked with our doctor to come up with a plan. We had decided we needed some time to investigate what was going on here. Our doctor agreed to additional testing. We did autoimmune testing, blood clotting disorder testing, prolactin testing, and karyotype testing. Everything came back normal except my prolactin was high. I started on medication for high prolactin and did the additional testing that comes from having high prolactin. We also did some genetic testing during this time that took a little while so we were awaiting those results.
During this time, in the beginning of November 2021, we got miraculously pregnant with our miracle pregnancy. We weren’t tracking everything like we had been so it was unbelievable to me. This had not happened in two and a half years. We drove to my parents’ house that night to surprise them because that was something we had never been able to do before. It was a beautiful moment we will remember forever.
I messaged my doctor and she scheduled me for a beta test for the next morning. My beta looked great. Two days later we had a repeat beta which also looked great. We thought maybe this was actually going to be our time.
The next day I started spotting. I was sure it was over. My doctor had us come in for an ultrasound but they couldn’t find anything on the ultrasound. They diagnosed me with a pregnancy of an unknown location. I kept spotting over the next couple of days and passing clots. I was sure I was miscarrying. However, my betas kept rising.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we had another ultrasound. They diagnosed me with an ectopic pregnancy. My mom had nearly died of an ectopic pregnancy 30 years prior so there was definitely some extra fear that came with this diagnosis.
Our Thanksgiving plans quickly changed, as we were told no travel and I would have to come back the next day for treatment. I was not allowed to leave the town of our clinic because where we lived was too far away from the hospital. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle only live 10 minutes from the hospital and quickly agreed we could stay with them as long as we needed.
We came in the next day for treatment and then were sent back to my aunt and uncles’ house. Our next week continued with treatment one day and blood tests the next. My beta kept rising. After a week, the blood tests showed that treatment was not working. My doctor called and asked how quickly I could get to the clinic because I would most likely need surgery as they were worried about bursting. I asked if we could do another ultrasound before we made that decision and she agreed. Jake left work and met us at the clinic. We did another ultrasound and then had a meeting with a team of doctors. They explained our options and eventually we decided on a more aggressive medicative treatment due to the complexity of this specific ectopic pregnancy. However, the doctors made sure we knew if this didn’t work the only other option would be surgery. For the next 5 days, we did this more aggressive treatment and infusions of a rescue medication to keep my body as strong as possible. The treatment worked. We were finally able to come home mid December 2021. Due to the treatment we could not try to get pregnant again until 3 months.
The end of March 2022, we were pregnant again. We had great doubling betas. At exactly 6 weeks, I started spotting again. I was on a field trip with my students. At our ultrasound on the next Monday, they confirmed another miscarriage.
We paused to do some more genetic testing but agreed to try some medicated cycles in the meantime. We had no luck during this time and nothing abnormal came back with the additional testing.
At this point, I had been researching some different clinics that were more specialized in reoccurring losses. I found a doctor that gave me hope but he normal had a long wait list. I called the clinic to get on the list. He had a cancelation and I could get in for a virtual appointment a lot sooner than we thought. The next week we had our consult with this doctor and were so impressed. He had read through all of our medical records which at this point was a book, was very focused, asked clarifying questions, and came with additional testing we had not done yet. He told us not to give up hope. He said I have had much more complicated cases and most go home with babies in their arms.
This started our journey of trying again at a new clinic. We had our first in person appointment on January 4, 2023. It was a round trip of 640 miles for this appointment.
We started with a lot of bloodwork and additional testing. We found that my thyroid was high, my uterine microbiome needed some healing, and different supports.
We were cleared to try again and got pregnant in May of 2023. I started spotting at 5 weeks and called my doctor. He wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next day so we took the trip down and prayed things were okay. The ultrasound went great (too soon for a heartbeat) but we saw a baby measuring right on time. They also discovered I had a SCH which would explain the spotting. However, things quickly turned and we miscarried at exactly 6 weeks once again.
My new doctor assured us we just hadn’t figured out the right combinations of supports to support the pregnancy and my body yet. However, he also told us he was moving to New York and would be leaving the clinic.
Before he left, he referred us to a Reproductive Immunologist. In September of 2023, we headed down there for our first in person appointment. I had a blood flow ultrasound, immunology testing and another biopsy. I started the immune treatment the doctor recommended based on what was found during the testing. We would do repeat labs every month and adjust medications/treatment depending on what came back. This took about three months from our first virtual appointment. At the three month mark, we got a kind of go ahead that we could start trying again. There was one more treatment that they suggested however we were struggling to get an answer from insurance on whether it would be covered or not and the financial burden was too much for us to take on so we decided to try again without this treatment for the time being.
We got pregnant again in November of 2023. The betas looked good and continued to double. I started spotting but things were still okay. My doctor put me on bed rest. We headed down to the clinic for weekly ultrasounds. However, due to restrictions at the clinic I had to go to the ultrasound by myself and my husband could not come back. This pregnancy was the first time we had seen a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the next week the heart had stopped beating. Even though this pregnancy ended in loss it gave us a lot of hope because of that beautiful heartbeat. It was also devastating at the same time because it was the furthest we had gotten and still ended in loss. This loss was a missed miscarriage so it lasted well into January.
We did a couple follow ups with the immunology clinic in the new year of 2024. However, we decided we needed a break to heal our hearts and minds. We did not know how we were going to proceed with building our family but were taking some time away to process and research other options.
In March of 2024, we took our first foster care placement and decided to focus on that for now.
Fast forward to June of 2024 on my husband’s birthday, I had a feeling I was pregnant all week (when you’ve been pregnant 7 times you know what your body feels like), I tested and it was positive. We were pregnant again. My husband’s response was well that would be nice. After 2 egg retrievals, doing IVF, 7 transfers, 7 pregnancy losses, 5 years of fighting this fight of infertility, and so much more, his response was valid.
I messaged my new OB and she called me the next day. I told her I didn’t want to do betas because the numbers hadn’t meant much in all my other pregnancies and I didn’t think it was healthy for my mind. She agreed we talked about what supports I felt comfortable with doing or where I was at. I said I wanted to check my thyroid and support with progesterone supplementation so that’s what we agreed to do.
I disassociated and tried to pretend I wasn’t pregnant because it was the only way I could deal with it and not be drowning in fear. We had my brother in law’s wedding in Colorado at 6 weeks so I was so afraid we would have a loss at this special event.
My husband and I drove out to Colorado for the wedding and it was a great trip. There was still fear and moments of spotting but with rest and hydration and my husband’s support we made it through and had a great trip. On our way home, I finally felt ready to call the early pregnancy clinic and get an ultrasound scheduled.
It was scheduled for the next week and we saw a beautiful heartbeat. This time my husband got to enjoy this beautiful moment as well. He was so excited and sure we were in the clear. He wanted to tell the world about this miracle baby. I was not ready yet. We had repeat ultrasounds until 7 1/2weeks and the baby kept growing and having a strong heartbeat.
We were going on vacation with my family the beginning of August so we ended up telling my parents because I wouldn’t be able to waterski. I was terrified so were they.
We had another ultrasound at 10 weeks 6 days and 11 weeks 6 days. We talked about weaning from medications which was a huge milestone. At our 15 weeks 4 day appointment we scheduled our anatomy scan and I made it 3 1/2 weeks between appointments. At 18 weeks we found out the gender of our baby. We had our anatomy scan at 18 weeks 4 days. We had another ultrasound at 22 weeks, then 25 weeks 4 days, 28 weeks 6 days, at 33 weeks and 35 weeks.
We told my brother about the baby a little before 20 weeks and told people in our community at 20 weeks and my husband’s parents at 20 weeks. We told my husband’s family at 26 weeks. We listened to our hearts and are doing what feels right for us.
We are now doing weekly ultrasounds and I am currently a little over 36 weeks and don’t think I will feel relieved until the baby is in our arms breathing and healthy.
I would not wish this journey upon anyone. It has been heartbreaking, debilitating, and defeating. However, it has also been beautiful.
You always hear the saying it takes a village to raise a child. However, I have witnessed first hand how it can take a village to have a child. With each loss, there were times people could not handle the uncomfortableness that comes with that kind of grief and it could feel lonely. However, the love and support we have received from our friends, family, community, and even sometimes strangers shows there is still good in the world. We can never thank them enough. Thank you to the people who still invited us to things even when the grief was uncomfortable, my husband for putting in the work needed to get through this together, our dog for always being there every step of the way, thank you to the people that still included us in their children’s lives while allowing us to have the space we needed, thanks to the people who brought us meals, thank you to the people who still showed up, and most of all prayed for us and our family.
There were times people thought we were crazy for doing everything we did and we had many times through our journey where we had to take a step back and see how to proceed. A friend told me during one of these times, I understand why you keep fighting. She said I would do anything for my children and you are just doing that before they are here. It hit me hard and I thought you know whatever way we move forward: adoption, surrogacy, or keeping trying on our own, she was right.
Seeing the smiles, love, tears, and happiness this baby has already brought to everyone around us, brings me so much joy and love. We can’t wait to meet you rainbow baby.
Photos taken by Hindt Photography
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