It took us over a year to finally get pregnant.
January 23rd: I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Later that day I took another one. Yep. Still positive!
I was going to surprise my husband but somehow he already knew. We were so, so excited. We made our first appointment at 8 weeks and an ultrasound confirmed that we were going to have a baby!
Joey was at every appointment with me. We were nervous every time, hoping for nothing to be wrong with our little miracle. She was perfect. Every ultrasound, the anatomy scan, and each time we heard her heartbeat, was perfect. She moved all over the place.
Our last appointment we would go to would be our 22 week appointment, at which we listened to her strong, perfect heartbeat. I looked forward to every appointment, every milestone, every kick, every sound of her strong heartbeat.
The day before I would be 24 weeks, I wanted to let my parents hear her heartbeat on our monitor, but I couldn’t find it. I hadn’t felt her kicking or moving like usual but my doctor said there may be periods of time between being able to feel her move and not to panic.
I wish I would have panicked. I wish I would have trusted my gut.
The next day I panicked. My husband tried to find her heartbeat on our monitor, which was always so easy to find. But this time, we heard nothing except my heartbeat.
June 8th: We went to the ER and were taken to labor and delivery. They were unable to find a heartbeat with the Doppler. They did an ultrasound next, but they wouldn’t tell us anything. We already knew.
We were told to come back the next morning to induce labor. We didn’t get home until 12:30 and we hardly slept. I cried most of the night laying in the bed, holding onto her as long as I could.
June 9th: We went back to labor and delivery at 6 am. At 6:30 am, the nurse placed my IV. And at 9 am they started the process to induce labor.
At 6:33 pm on Wednesday, June 9th, I delivered my lifeless baby girl. She was 24 weeks and 1 day. We named her Addi Jo.
I wouldn’t have made it through without my husband and my mom being there with me in that room.
My baby entered this world, but I didn’t get to hear her cry or feel her move in my arms. The pain of delivering a perfect baby who was stillborn is a pain I never knew existed.
And the next day we had to go home without her. No one can prepare your heart for that.
So now, we are praying for our rainbow, whatever that may look like. We are trusting in the Lord and hoping for something good to come of this.
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