Katrice's Story

I’m sitting here holding my bump, willing the little one (22 weeks – July 2024) to wiggle, so I can feel reassured.

Today I should have been 40 weeks with my 3rd star in the sky. We are so incredibly lucky to have experienced a hoped for but unexpected, joyful pregnancy before loss. My boy is now 3 years old, and very excited to be a big brother. I was 38 when I had him, so we started trying for his sibling as soon as he turned one.

We had a miscarriage fairly quickly after a positive pregnancy test 6 months later. It was another 9 months before we conceived again. This baby too, left us quickly. Our tests had come back all normal and so decided to try again immediately. We couldn’t possibly be that unlucky, and I had read about being incredibly fertile after loss. I was now 40 and the fear was unbearable.

We conceived straight away and lost the baby quickly again. I couldn’t seem to get to 6 weeks. My mental health took a very dark turn. I could barely function. Reality that a second baby may never happen for us became very real, but I wasn’t ready to stop fighting. I went through several doctors and finally found one that would listen and was willing to help. I did a lot of research myself and had worked very hard on my health.

There was finally a blood test that showed something not quite right, and this was likely the reason for our losses. I was relieved to have a reason, something I could possibly improve, but also absolutely devastated that my body had rejected our three babies. I became so strict with the supplements I was taking, the foods I was eating and focused on my wellbeing.

We decided to stop trying. I was fed up of all the peeing on sticks and regimented intimacy. We needed a break. The next month, my period was late. I put it down to some additional supplements I was taking, that were not suitable whilst TTC. But those two lines appeared. This time I was met with absolute fear. I couldn’t do this again. Luckily, my pushiness paid off and I quickly got the things I needed to help this baby stick.

I still don’t feel 100% sure that this baby will be our rainbow. I don’t think I will until they are safely in my arms. But I’m focusing on the joy, and trying to navigate the anxiety one day at a time. With a lot of hope in my heart, I cannot wait to hold my rainbow in my arms later this year.