Declan Hayes Pitts 10/24/2019 – Unnamed Angel Pitts 9/21/2020 – Jaxon Hayes Pitts 9/25/2021
My story starts so differently, yet so similar to many. When I was 15 years old I was told by a Doctor that I would never achieve pregnancy. I was diagnosed with severe Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was told I have over 200 cysts and this was too much for anyone to achieve pregnancy. I was crushed, being a mother was the “What do you want to be when you grow up? ” answer to people that asked when I was five.
Fast forward to when I was 26; I met the most amazing person I have ever known; my wife Lauren. Knowing what I knew about my reproductive system, when we were ready to start having the child talks I already knew it would be her. We had difficulties, but two years later we welcomed our daughter Madelyn.
During our pregnancy journey with Lauren, the fertility Doctor told me that there were great lengths of studies done with PCOS and whenever we were ready, he was happy to help us. At this time, I was severely obese. He did say I would want to lose as much weight as possible to be at my healthiest.
In July 2017 I had Gastric Sleeve surgery to assist me in losing weight. I went from 362 pounds to 240 pounds in about a year. Discipline and a different life were learned. I would do anything to be healthy for my daughter and to welcome a brand new baby.
January of 2019, I went back to the same kind Doctor for a consultation! Due to PCOS I would need medication for everything; to have a period, for my eggs to grow, to ovulate, shots to throw an egg out into the unknowns that hopefully the purchased specimen reaches to and creates a baby. Little did I know that all the hoping and praying was about to work; on the first try.
Pregnant; my very first positive pregnancy test. Something I never thought I would see in my lifetime. Going through fertility treatments, you get to see your baby two weeks later from your positive! Then again in six weeks! Strong heartbeat, sac was perfectly shaped, we were released to our regular OBGYN! Great news. Cleared the first trimester, no issues then the entire pregnancy was perfect. I threw up everyday due to heartburn, but well worth anything, I get to meet my son soon!
October 22,2019 I was at work and my son, whom we named Declan, gave me the craziest bout of kicks ever! He went on for about 45 minutes. I remember looking down at my belly and saying “Dang son, did you like that song… get it!” Little did I know this was the last time I would ever feel my sweet boy move. On October 23rd, my wife and I were watching “The Kelly Clarkson” show and Craig Morgan performed his song ‘The Father, My Son, and The Holy Ghost’. At this moment I started bawling; I just felt something was wrong. I looked at my wife and told her I was going to go in; just so they can tell me I am crazy and send me home. I told her to stay home with our daughter, I was just being hormonal; right?
I arrived at Cox, making jokes with staff members on my way back to my room. Laid back and the nurse asks the standard “What brings you in today?” I told her that I hadn’t felt my son move since the previous afternoon. I told her that he had a big set of movements and that I hadn’t felt him. She then went on to ask me the words that would stick with me the rest of my days; “Why did you wait so long to come in?” I hadn’t been pregnant before, I didn’t know. I read the charts on the OBGYN walls while waiting for my Doctor to come in, but that is about the only education anyone ever offered.
She put the ultrasound Doppler up to my belly, nothing. She turned it off and then back on and tried again, nothing. She said that it had been giving her fits all day so she got out the big one in the room. Nothing. She said she was going to get a tech to come in “because her machines were having issues”. Technician came in, silence. My baby was gone.
I called my wife, now knowing that I wasn’t crazy Declan was gone. My Doctor happened to be on call that night and sat with me and let me bawl on her shoulder until my wife got there. I remember that when she walked in, a lady from billing came in and relentlessly was trying to get information. I remember saying I just found out my baby is dead, can you have some compassion and leave please. I finally just signed her paper and she left.
After the commotion settled down, my doctor then told me the next steps. I would go through induction, labor, and birth. All the steps to meet my son, just to have to have him leave my arms forever. I couldn’t pray enough to make this nightmare go away. Once in my room, I was greeted by an angel. My Nurse was the biggest blessing to help me through this. During this time, she gave me an “On Angels’ Wings” brochure. I didn’t know how to feel about it in the beginning, there was too much emotion flying around.
After giving birth to Declan, 6lb 9ounces 19” long. The most beautiful head of hair I had ever seen. All the heartburn was then explained. He had my thumbs, a weird feature to remember. I decided that I definitely wanted these photos done; I would have paid whatever it cost to have those lasting memories. They were free, absolutely free. Someone came to my room when we were ready. She was kind, gentle, and very respectful. I now have photos of my son for the rest of my life.
Since my son, we have been through another loss. Miscarriage at 9 weeks. We were very excited for this rainbow and we lost her/him. At my doctor appointment, we had to make the decision to let the baby pass naturally or to schedule a D&C. On 9/21/2020 we went in for a D&C. I woke up crying hysterically, the nurse calmed me down. When I was discharged, I just wanted to come home and be with my wife. We had such a rough road to this point.
Back to the fertility Dr we went in November 2020. The fertility doctors and nurses saw the determination on our face and they were ready to continue the journey with us. Three months of trying and we got another positive test on February 6,2021! There were so many mixed feelings with the pregnancy. This pregnancy wasn’t easy. The constant fear of loss, getting sick with Covid-19 in the second month of pregnancy, having gestational diabetes, waking up every morning frozen to my bed until I felt movement; failing twice a week NST tests, then the final “Decel in heart rate”.
At 36 weeks Pregnant, I was having my anatomy ultrasound on my baby and the nurse put the doppler down and immediately went and got my Doctor. I asked her if everything was ok and she said his heart rate was low and said she would be back. Immediately crying; I felt so sick waiting. The Dr quickly came to the room and immediately sent me to labor and delivery. My baby’s heart rate came back up and down again and repeated this. They admitted me immediately to constantly monitor me. They said I wasn’t leaving the hospital until I gave birth and to get comfortable. It was here that life came full circle; the very special nurses from when we lost Declan, were now my nurses again for this baby. It was so special to me and they were adamant to see me through this difficult time but with a lot of prayer to a happier ending.
On 9/25/2021 at 8:35PM; we welcomed our rainbow! His name is Jaxon Hayes Pitts, He weighed 6lbs 8oz and was 19” long. He passed all of his tests so well, he didn’t have to spend any time in the NICU. We are so grateful to God and all of the support people that got us to this point.
Keep Hope; Keep Faith – God will lead you through; even when you fall and your knees hurt from hitting the ground.
Photos taken by On Angels’ Wings.
On Angels’ Wings is a Missouri non-profit organization that seeks to improve the mental health and wellness of families with medically fragile children (regardless of race, ethnicity, class status or orientation) through therapeutic photography and grief recovery services.
Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.
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