After TTC for 6 years, my husband and I completed our first round of IVF in January of 2021, and we were pregnant for the first time! I wasn’t able to enjoy my pregnancy as, at 9 weeks, I had a massive hemorrhaging, which we found out was a subchorionic hematoma. Throughout the weeks, the hematoma would enlarge to take up most of my uterus.
By my 13th week of pregnancy, I was becoming more optimistic about going full-term. But then, at 19w5d I had a follow appointment with OB. He used a fetal Doppler to try and find a heartbeat, then continued to use a smaller ultrasound machine and told me that he could see the baby’s chest, but he didn’t see the baby moving and then requested to continue with a complete ultrasound. It was confirmed that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. It wasn’t until this day that I found out about her gender. Just that weekend, I was going to announce my pregnancy to my friends and family with a virtual gender reveal.
The following day I was induced, and I had to have emergency surgery after Yvette was born because my placenta was “stuck” in my uterus. On May 18, 2021, I could finally hold my daughter, but she wasn’t alive. We spent a total of 2 hours with Yvette instead of a lifetime. I returned home the following day after needing an iron infusion due to all the blood I lost without our daughter and only a box of memories.
What hurt me the most was seeing the pain on my husband’s face while holding his daughter, knowing this would be the first and last time he would ever be able to hold her again.
Every day I think about my daughter, and every day, I wonder what I could have done differently? The least I can do is keep her legacy alive, she deserves to be talked about and known.
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