Charlene and Owens’ story.
July 18th, a morning I woke up to feeling a change in my body. It was a very positive feeling, my boobs were still sore and by today it would have stopped being sore because I would have expected my period to start and I was always dead on time. I ran into the loo and took a pregnancy test because something was telling me that this was it. I was very excited to take the test because for me, it was only the second time ever that I took a pregnancy test at home.
I am pregnant. I still am pregnant and we are now awaiting our miracle rainbow baby due in March 2022. And so far, everything has been well. I feel strong, empowered and trusting. Owen, my husband, has been a beautiful and loving support through it all.
Here’s our story.
We got married in May 2012 and waited a year before trying for a baby. After 2 years, nothing. We went for our first check up with the Gynae in Singapore, we were living in Singapore at the time and that’s where I am from. A few tests later, we got good news. There was nothing wrong with either of us and were only told to keep trying and come back a year later if nothing happened.
A year later we came back and our IUI journey began. We did 5 rounds. And nothing. I started Chinese medicine treatments as well. This included acupuncture and taking bitter medicine everyday. We were told again that there’s nothing wrong and to keep trying.
In November 2016, we gave IVF a shot. In my heart it wasn’t what I wanted but at the time, we had nothing else to go for. It was our “last” chance. Everything went smoothly, we transferred 2 healthy embryos and I got pregnant, for the first time ever. We were so surprised and happy. And we celebrated with a stay-cation at St Regis hotel, I remember that day so clearly. It was a very happy day.
Unfortunately, the happiness lasted all but 2 weeks. My levels were going down and we were told I had a chemical pregnancy. We did another 2 transfers but nothing took. We were back where we started. No baby and medically diagnosed with unexplained infertility.
My body took a toll with all the medications and injections. My spirit was damaged. Owen tried to be so strong for us and did all he can to make me feel whole and happy again. When I looked at him, I saw the hurt he was trying to cover up by being my rock and it made me realise that I needed to take healing into my own hands, for the both of us.
In the next few years, I found reiki and yoga, my spiritual practice grew a thousand folds. I learnt to become the master of my life. With a committed practice, I let go of the how and when. Owen and I believed that our time will come. We never gave up hope. We travelled and learnt to laugh again, seeing each new day as a blessing.
In May 2020, we moved to Wales, UK. A change that was much needed. In the midst of the Covid pandemic and lockdowns, many things happened and many didn’t. Unfortunately, Owen had lost his father in December that year. It was tough. We also started the process for adoption and we met all the legal requirements. However, we were told to come back again after 3-4 years when my visa was fully permanent. Yet another door closed. This was when Owen and I made the conscious decision that we would really try to be a mother to the world, to sincerely give the grace of motherhood to those whom we already have in our lives, not just physically, but wholeheartedly. For some, this may be a way that isn’t easy to live by but I can’t describe how full we felt, in our hearts and souls. It felt so right and true.
The year 2021 came really quickly. At Easter, I found out I was pregnant. It was a huge surprise for us. This was the first time I did a home pregnancy test.
At about 8.5 weeks, I unfortunately miscarried. We were sad and I cried but we were not broken, not this time. Our loss gave us strength to keep on going and to celebrate the 3 angels we made. A month and a half later, we were blessed with another surprise.
God blesses us in mysterious ways. We will never know why, how or when. All we will ever know is that there is always love. And LOVE will see us through.
Photos taken by @bareheartroad family.
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