Growing up, I had always known I wanted to be a Mom. I had some great women figures (including my own mother) in my life to look up to and aspired to one day be like them. Life takes you on different paths and it’s not always what you expect, at some point in my later 30s, I had packed up that dream, focusing on my career and making a life I loved.
At 40, I was surprised with the two lines that I had long ago so desperately wanted but didn’t think it was meant for me. Gabriella Grace Howe was stillborn on her due date (June 13, 2022) at 40 weeks- which is another LONG story for another time, but if nothing else, that perfect baby showed me and her Daddy, Rob, that we both wanted and deserved to be parents. We waited the recommended time, and found ourselves pregnant for a second time- delighted and hopeful, and believed this was our second chance. As fate would have it, we had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. Devastation filled our hearts, and we both agreed that we couldn’t go through another loss. The grief changes you and I didn’t want it to change US.
The fall of 2023, we felt our hearts being tugged and we both talked at length about trying “one more time..” Just after New Years, on a very early Saturday morning, I went into the bedroom where Rob was asleep and said “Are you awake, I have to show you something.” He wasn’t awake, but he also knew it wasn’t like me to just wake him up for no reason. There it was, true evidence of our little miracle. In true Loss Mom fashion, I did go ahead and take several more tests just to confirm because it was still very early in my cycle and I know that not all tests are created equally. It was confirmed at a doctor’s appointment later that week that I was indeed, for the 3rd time in 2 years, PREGNANT.
This time around brought so many more emotions and it’s been a journey for sure. But this story isn’t about Gabriella, or BabyFox, or even their parents- this story is about our special little miracle, Brody and how grateful and cautiously optimistic for our life with him. Relying very heavily on our faith and leaning into one another in the harder moments. Always taking a deeper breath just before the ultrasound and finding joy in feeling him moving around.
We have an amazing support team of doctors and specialists that we are seeing weekly, so we will have a VERY full book of baby pictures before he even arrives at the end of the summer.
After our second loss we had had a trip to Martha’s Vineyard already scheduled, and Rob was ready to cancel our vacation, but I insisted. Being home or away wasn’t going to change anything, so why not spend the week somewhere beautiful where we could connect and begin the healing process.
We are returning there this summer and every summer in the future- it’s a special place for us and we want it to be a special place for Brody too!
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