1. Describe the process of getting pregnant. Was it easy for you? Was it hard? Did you have to go through fertility treatment?
Getting pregnant wasn’t that easy. We were going to go to the doctor for advice (we’d been trying for a year and since we were a bit older, it was worth going in). I was finally let go from a job I was dying to leave for the past three years. Yet, I was still a bit devastated. My husband and I took a mini getaway. We were super relaxed … and we fell pregnant!
2. What was the pregnancy like? Was it easy and smooth? Hard with a lot of pregnancy symptoms?
Our pregnancy was easy, smooth, and uneventful. Went to all appointments, did the GD test, which I sadly didn’t pass … but after talking to a dietician, I was able to maintain a healthy weight and all appointments thereafter, were a breeze.
3. Did you have a reason why your losses occurred?
There was no real reason. The coroner report stated it as perinatal asphyxia. I’m guessing there really is no way to tell during pregnancy if this is to occur.
4. How far along were you?
I was full term … birthed our son (no abnormal activity on either our parts according to the charts).
5. What are your babies names?
We named our son Alexander Joseph William — Alexander because we both liked it. Joseph is the anglicized version of my dad’s name, Jose and William is both my husband’s and my father-in-law’s middle name.
6. What was the birthing/loss experience like?
I had my husband, a nurse and the doctor in the room when I was ready to push … so much excitement to meet our little one! It’s incredible what a woman’s body goes through … even during the epidural! I found the stitching at the end more painful than the birth itself.
7. Did you get to spend time with your baby or get any keepsakes?
The doctors placed my son on my chest for about 30 seconds before whisking him away … my husband said he was absolutely beautiful. He wasn’t crying … and I’m guessing he didn’t pass the Apgar test. The doctors and specialists worked on our baby for over an hour. When they pronounced his death, we were able to spend time with him for the rest of the day before the Coroner’s Office came to get him. My mom, step-dad, sister & sister-in-law were with us to spend the 7 or so hours with our son.
8. How was the medical treatment/support during your loss?
The doctors and nurses were incredibly supportive and sympathetic. They didn’t rush us out or rush the time we had with our son. They ensured we had the privacy needed at a sad & sensitive time.
9. Did you receive support from family and friends after your loss?
Our families were there for us … as were friends. Lots of offers for food deliveries, company to be had … but what we needed was time to heal, reflect and just be us two.
10. How were your emotions after loss? (Angry, sad, scared, confused, etc)
I was angry at first … I did everything I was supposed to do — ate healthy meals (as shown by my dietician), walked 5 km daily, was stress-free … so how could this happen to me?! I was super sad … our first born … our son … our only child … why him? It’s been 12 years and I still burst out in tears at uncommon times.
11. How did you know you were ready to try again?
We started trying fairly soon after … we experienced a chemical pregnancy … and haven’t had any success since.
12. What has the pregnancy with your rainbow baby been like?
Sadly, it hasn’t happened for us.
13. Is there anything special you do to remember your angel baby/babies?
Nothing special really other than just talking about him all the time to ensure he is never forgotten.
14. Is there anything you want others to know about going through loss?
It’s going to hurt, especially when friends and family around are having babies, baby showers — I couldn’t get myself to go to a friend’s baby shower a few months after Alex’s passing. And it’s okay to not feel like attending — you’re not obligated to and friends & family will understand that. The hurt will never go away, but continuing to live will get a bit easier. There will be times when you just want to cry (and the feeling may come at an odd time) … go ahead and cry. I find it to be healing and allows me to get on with my day. When people ask about children, answer how you feel — you don’t have to tell them anything or you can tell them everything ro tell them anything in between. It’s all up to you … no one will judge in any way (especially if they’re true friends). Reach out to people … you don’t have to do it alone, but do it only if you want. There is no correct way to get through such a devastating loss … nor is there a time limit to grief.
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