Our journey started in 2018. We lost my mother in law in June and found out we were pregnant in August. This news was a light in all the darkness. We celebrated with family and friends, but unfortunately we found out very quickly that this pregnancy was not viable. The loss was shocking, lonely, and heartbreaking. Our first angel babe was supposed to be born in May. We think about this babe all the time and speak about them often.
In July of 2020 we welcomed our first rainbow baby, a beautiful baby girl. She is the light of our life.
We knew we wanted to grow our family. We found out we were pregnant on our daughter’s 1st birthday. Our second and third pregnancy came with a lot of nerves. We were excited, and also a bit naive. I kept saying “there’s no way it would happen again”. Much to our surprise, there was no heartbeat at our first ultrasound. We waited for the pregnancy to pass naturally. This was timely and emotional. I was in disbelief and felt so sad that this was our story again.
In 2022 we welcomed our second rainbow babe, a beautiful little boy. This delivery was nothing less than eventful, but we were so grateful he came to us safely.
At this point we were unsure if we were going to have another child. We had a surprise pregnancy in February 2024. We were overjoyed and so excited to tell our kids. When we went to the dating ultrasound I got the same sinking feeling when the tech asked to do an internal ultrasound. To me, this indicated that they could not find a heartbeat. 3 angel babes! At this point, we had more babes in heaven than we did here with us. That was a hard pill to swallow.
We are due in February 2025 and very blessed to be on this journey again. This has been a wild ride of emotions over the last 5 years. I’ve been very open to discussing my losses with those around me and during PAIL sessions. We’ve also participated in walks in support of infant and pregnancy loss. Doing these group activities have made this quiet experience a bit less lonely.
I feel privileged to share our story and be a part of this project.
Photos taken by Bailee Dumouchelle.
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