Jaclyn’s Story

Our fertility journey has been years in the making with some really great highs and awful lows. My journey began years ago before I met my partner in which I suffered two very early miscarriages I never spoke to anyone about. I never shared these stories outside of the doctors who saw me through them. I met my partner mid 2016 and then we started building our foundation toward our family. In 2019 we began our fertility journey while living in Las Vegas, we went through lots of testing and doctors determined I was eligible for IUI. We completed a round of IUI in June of 2019, the initial pregnancy test came back negative and we never thought anything of it. That is until my normal gynecology exam in October. At this time they determined there was something attached to my uterus wall and after an ultrasound determined the initial pregnancy test was incorrect and something happened around 8 weeks causing the babies heart to stop but my body did not pass it. At this time the doctor went over my options. I wanted a D&C but my insurance at the time would only cover a D&C if the pill version did not work. This was my 3rd miscarriage all before 9 weeks of pregnancy. After this my partner and I decided to take a break and get the remainder of our education and training we would need to be able to support our family. 

In 2022 I ended up in the hospital with sepsis, two abscess’ in my abdomen and had to go through 4 abdominal surgeries and so many antibiotics. I was certain at this time my dream of carrying a baby and having children of my own was over for me. After my final surgery was completed and I had recovered some, all my doctors gave the green light to meet with IVF and see what our options were. I did so much research into what our options were, I learned what the different methods of IVF were and what was my best shot. I then found a doctor that has success in my age bracket (late 30’s) using mini IVF, and who was willing to dig for the reason for the 3 miscarriages. It turned out I have one marker in my DNA that is flipped and can cause miscarriages if the embryo that attaches is not 100% “normal”. 

Finding out that cause was only the beginning. On top of my DNA, I have thyroid issues and autoimmune issues so we knew this was an uphill battle. We took the next almost two years treating my thyroid and autoimmune system while also running further genetic testing on me. After all this was completed in November of 2023 I had my first egg retrieval which was quickly followed by a second retrieval in January in which they also tried to do a surgery on my uterus. Unfortunately the surgery was not successful and I had to be sent home to rest and find a doctor closer to home to complete the surgery. In March 2024 I had that surgery. We were so excited because this meant another step closer. A month later in early April we did our first embryo transfer. I remember every moment of that day and the week that followed the testing. I also have exact memories of getting the call between clients at my practicum letting me know it was not successful. The doctor called and was very apologetic but also had a plan and immediately started the medications. On May 3rd 2024 we transferred again. I took a completely different approach this month and allowed myself to just enjoy life, eat delicious food and explore the city we were in. We tested one week later and we were pregnant. 

Pregnancy was amazing, hard, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. First trimester I could not keep anything, no food or drinks. It was a long 12 weeks. Once we got the meds that helped and I started eating only what the cravings were but eating more often the vomiting got better, the nausea never did though. Second trimester was amazing, I enjoyed my growing bean and seeing how my body adjusted to her expanding little body. Third trimester was hard, I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and a placenta previa that required an in depth c section due to a surgery two years ago. The last 3 weeks of pregnancy I was on bedrest and focused on doing everything I could to keep the baby in for those last three weeks. My pregnancy symptoms have been the full gamut from nausea and vomiting, to round ligament pain and breast pain. I also found some weird symptoms I had no idea was a thing such as heavy breasts, hair growth that is so quick I cannot keep up with it, cravings that are there for days until I finally have whatever baby wants. It has been fun and amazing watching my body grow this amazing little person but also so surreal. 

In the end we found out I have a genetic issue along with an autoimmune issue that lead to my miscarriages. If the embryo was not “normal” on implantation my body will automatically reject it therefore we had to do IVF and genetically test the embryos to make sure they were safe to transfer. I also have autoimmune deficiencies and have to do weekly infusions for the baby to keep her safe and healthy and keep my body from rejecting her. Finally I have a thyroid issue and we had to monitor and change meds to ensure it could keep up with me and baby girl. My miscarriages all happened before 9 weeks, one at 5 weeks, one at 7 weeks and one at the end of 8 weeks. I refer to them as my sweet angels that now watch over their sister and will be with her for her entire life.  

The losses I had two were really early on and my body did this on its own before I could even recognize what was happening. The final loss my partner and I had done IUI and gotten a negative test so we didn’t think anything of it, this was in June. The end of September I went in for my normal gynecology appointment and the doctor felt something on my uterus. He did an ultrasound and found I had been pregnant but the baby stopped growing around week 9. My body had not miscarried yet. Unfortunately my insurance would not approve a D&C until I tried the pill method and lost it “naturally”. This was by far the hardest and most painful loss I have had. Now we are a few days away from a c section for my 4th pregnancy, she is 37 weeks and will be 37 weeks and 4 days when they do the procedure. I am so excited to finally meet her. 

Unfortunately my three losses were so early and the way I lost them I did not get a keepsake or really to spend time with them. The closure would have been really helpful for healing, and I accept now that was not the journey for me. After these losses I had so many emotions, anger, hurt, I felt like my body had failed me, and eventually confusion on why it kept happening. I am so thankful I took the time to work through these emotions in therapy before beginning on the adventure with IVF. 

My gynecologist was always very supportive and did everything he could to help me with these losses but insurance made it quite challenging. The biggest support I have gotten is from my therapist. She has been there to sit with me, listen, be compassionate and kind, she validated my feelings and helped me so much. In the end she helped me by doing EMDR to help me prepare for this baby and heal to prepare for her in hopes I would be in a better mindset going into this pregnancy and it helped so much. Support from family and friends has been there when I shared what I have been through. That being said I have only really shared with my significant other and my therapist all that I have been through with these losses and how it has impacted me. Their support has been what I needed. Now I share more because learning I was not alone was a turning point for me in healing and if I can help another mama to know they are not alone and everything they are feeling is valid I would like to be that for someone else. 

I questioned for a long time if I was ready to try again and have a baby. Things literally fell into place. I found a doctor willing to take my miscarriages seriously and dug into why they were happening and he never gave up, he dug until he knew how to best prevent another one. I then began graduate school and I had given up on having a baby until this program was over due to the costs. My loan officer was able to help me get an additional loan for school that was exactly what we needed to pay for IVF. This is when I knew the dream was coming true. I was in a one year, full time graduate program, completing my practicum and we had the full support of my school to do both. When everything fell into place I knew I was ready, it was as if my angel babies were telling me it was time. 

My beautiful rainbow baby has been a dream pregnancy. I don’t want this time to end but I also cannot wait to meet her. She is what I have fought so hard to have and will fight for everyday for the rest of my life. She is a strong little one and her kicks are so powerful and some hurt but I love every kick, movement and hit. She has made all my dreams come true. I have loved seeing her react to music throughout the pregnancy, she literally dances for me. The reaction to the cravings of pregnancy end in so much movement and it is so fun compared to eating just to eat now. I have loved this process and appreciate everything my body has done and been through to get us here. 

To remember my rainbow babies, I love taking a moment anytime I see a rainbow and thanking them for reminding me how wonderful each of them were. I like to remind myself that one day I will meet them and until then I will honor them by being the best mama to any babies they send my way in the future. I also honor them by sharing their stories and supporting others that need support and validation that they are not alone in this. Losing our babies will never be something that gets better or easier. What I have learned through the losses is to love each and every one of those babies for the time I had with them and use them as a reminder why I fight to keep going. The biggest thing I would like to share is to NEVER give up on your dreams. I have overcome a 22 year eating disorder. I had surgery two years ago where they had to emergently remove intestines and part of my colon leaving me with an ostomy and I thought at that time the dream was gone. As we approached the two year anniversary of this surgery we transferred this baby and started this journey. I fought to come back from this surgery, get the ostomy reversed, get into and complete a graduate program in 1 year and do IVF while in school. I am crazy for wanting to do it all and I accept that. This baby was worth every hard day, all the tears, the stress, anxiety, fear, hurt. She is the dream and it is important we all keep dreaming and keeping our angel babies with us on these journeys. 

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