1. Describe the process of getting pregnant. Was it easy for you? Was it hard? Did you have to go through fertility treatment?
It was easy for us to get pregnant and wasn’t TTC for very long.
2. What was the pregnancy like? Was it easy and smooth? Hard with a lot of pregnancy symptoms?
Pregnancy was easy & smooth no issues throughout with me or Eli
3. Did you have a reason why your losses occurred?
Eli had an undetected small placenta but because his growth was perfect throughout my pregnancy, it didn’t show that the placenta wasn’t working as it should have been. If I had him earlier he wouldn’t have died.
4. How far along were you?
I was booked to be induced on 11th December I was 41.5 weeks pregnant and that’s the day he died.
5. What are your babies names?
My baby’s name is Eli James Arthur Tookey
6. What was the birthing/loss experience like?
Awful, I still feel lost without him here. I felt completely alone and that it was my fault. No one speaks enough about stillbirth and I never thought it would happen to anyone I knew let alone me.
7. Did you get to spend time with your baby or get any keepsakes?
Yes we had 3 days with him at the hospital, there is a charity here in the UK called 4louis who provide bereaved families a memory box where we got his hand and foot prints done.
8. How was the medical treatment/support during your loss?
Awful. I had no support either.
9. Did you receive support from family and friends after your loss?
Family yes, we received lots of support not really from friends I have lost a lot of friends since he died but have made new friends with other loss mums who have been a massive support throughout.
10. How were your emotions after loss? (Angry, sad, scared, confused, etc)
All of the above and plenty more. I felt so much guilt and still do, I blamed myself everyday:
11. How did you know you were ready to try again?
We wanted to get married before we tried again, as I wanted to have the same surname as Eli. We decided to try as soon as we got married but we were TTC for about 6 months before we got pregnant again.
12. What has the pregnancy with your rainbow baby been like?
It has been fine health wise, we got her placenta measured at 23 weeks at “tommys rainbow clinic” which is a charity here. They don’t measure the placenta which is ridiculous if I’m honest!! We was told her placenta was the correct size it should be at that gestation and if Eli’s was measured then it would have shown up as too small straight away and he wouldn’t have died as I would have had him earlier.
13. Is there anything special you do to remember your angel baby/babies?
I do anything I can think of, we have memorial places, he has his own Christmas tree, we have a special place in our home with all of his bits in.
14. Is there anything you want others to know about going through loss?
That time isn’t a healer, we just learn to adapt with what is our new normal, grief is just the love we have for our children & that all our babies will always be loved, cared for & remembered.
Photos taken by Zoe Mills Photography.
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