My husband and I got married in March of 2021, and we decided shortly after to start trying for our first child. We didn’t have to try for very long. After about five months of trying we got our first positive, in Sept 2021. I was so excited and could barely wait to tell my husband. The weeks waiting for our first ultrasound could not go any faster, as we were excited to see our little baby. However, at our 8 week dating ultrasound our hearts dropped. Where there should have been something we saw nothing. Our doctor told us that at this point it was likely a Blighted Ovum pregnancy and we should expect to miscarry soon. After a week and two dropping HcG tests my body had still not miscarried. We decided to utilize medication management to encourage the process. We were 9 weeks when my pregnancy ended. Our baby had a due date of May 10, 2022, and was miscarried on Oct 7, 2021.
My husband and I, with Dr encouragement, decided to try again. They stated it was unlikely to happen again as the first was a chromosomal abnormality. It took 3 months for us to conceive again. We were told to stay positive and everything was going to be fine. We pushed my Dr for repeat betas. Initially they showed a positive rise, until they stalled. The clinic set me up with an early scan within 2 days of the test. At the ultrasound we saw what we hadn’t before, a little heartbeat. We were so excited that it all seemed fine. The Dr however was not convinced. She informed us our baby had implanted in the wrong spot, and was measuring small. Likely constricted growth. No idea why it happened but that we would have to have a follow up ultrasound in a few days to see growth and determine exact placement. The week was filled with dread as we waited. At our follow up appt we saw what we hadn’t expected, an increased heart rate. A different Dr this time told us there was never a concern and that we never should have been seen in the first place. I started spotting that night. Over the weekend we had increased bleeding, and when I called the clinic and had a repeat beta they had dropped. The Dr confirmed another miscarriage. Our baby would have been due Oct 15, 2022, but was miscarried on Mar 1st 2022. They were buried in a ceremony with other babies who were lost too soon.
After two early miscarriages we pushed for testing. They stated that there really wasn’t a reason to do them as it was just bad luck. However, we persisted. I had the RPL blood panel done which showed no concerns. The Dr was confident we would get pregnant again quickly as we had in the past.
My husband and I figured we would try again with additional medication support. We started taking additional vitamins recommended by our midwife as well as aspirin and progesterone. We conceived our rainbow in April 2022, and are due Jan 5 2023. Being pregnant with our rainbow has been a different feeling. We were constantly scared about losing this pregnancy as well, despite making it well past the point we made in previous pregnancies. During the first trimester we supplemented with progesterone and have continued throughout the pregnancy to be on low dose aspirin. However, we have started to accept that this baby may be here to stay!
Pregnancy loss has changed pregnancy for us. We are no longer excited about being pregnant and instead always waiting for bad news. Our ideas and goals regarding a baby have changed. Initially we were ok with not finding out the gender, however after losses where we never knew anything we have clung to information. We needed to know as much about this baby as we could before they were lost as well. It also showed us who our friends and families were there to support us. The people we thought would be, weren’t, and some people surprised us.
For people going through pregnancy loss, my biggest suggestion is wait. Wait to throw away photos, memories, anything. You may want them and its easier to make that decision when you’re not blinded by anger and sadness. My biggest regret was throwing away little mementos from my first pregnancy to remind us they were here. In addition, its ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Do what you need to do.
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