Vicki’s Story

My Motherhood journey is not my dream, but how it moves weaves me into the Mother that I am. I hold onto my first pregnancy, with my son Robbie, with the innocence many first-time mothers experience. His pregnancy went smoothly, until I needed an emergency C-section. Even then, that went smoothly and I’ve been growing with him ever since. I am happily nostalgic and blessed to experience his journey alongside my own.

However, our family has not been growing as I had imagined that it would. I’ve lost three pregnancies since, within a year: From Mother’s Day 2020 to Mother’s Day 2021. I was devastated when I miscarried Lonnie at 6 weeks. I temporarily lost my mind when I miscarried identical twins Brook and River at 15 weeks. I was broken when Bellamy’s loss was confirmed at 7 weeks. Four of my children lost their potential. I have gained a “secondary infertility” label.

I began to share my Motherhood journey publicly on Instagram @mama_grow_home as a way to honor all of my children and to contribute to the discussion of pregnancy loss experience.

My version of “Project Finding Your Rainbow” is a different kind of Rainbow Baby story. I celebrate all of my children, living and lost. They have all woven me into the Mother that I am today. I hold every unique presence with me all the time. They are my Rainbow Babies.

Although my Motherhood journey is still moving in the dark, I have starlight to guide me. I will always look for stars. They’re millions of years old, and they’ve seen life in all of it’s forms.







Photos taken by Lauren Cox Photo.

Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.

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