Rachel D's Story

In November of 2022, we found out five months after the adoption of our oldest son Theo, that we were pregnant with his baby brother Rowan. My husband Kyle and I were ecstatic. About six weeks prior to us finding out we were pregnant, we started working with a fertility doctor. I have PCOS, so I knew getting pregnant could take us sometime-it had already taken us over two years of trying to get pregnant. We had anticipated it was going to take us several months to get pregnant after starting to work with our fertility doctor, so it was a welcomed shock to find out we got pregnant so quickly without any treatments.

My pregnancy with Rowan was a dream. I was very fortunate to not have any morning sickness or food aversions. My main symptoms with him were exhaustion, bloating and some nausea/heartburn. After I graduated from my fertility doctor, I started working with my OBGYN at 12 weeks. At every appointment we were told good news; “Baby is looking good,” “Baby is measuring a few days ahead.” During our anatomy scan, Rowan showed the ultrasound tech everything she needed to see. My OBGYN was surprised that our 21 weeker had shown everything off that he needed too and that we didn’t need to come back for a repeat scan.

A few days prior to our anatomy scan, I noticed I was having some mucus discharge. At first, I didn’t really think much of it. After our anatomy scan is when I started to become more concerned. I called my OBGYN and I told him I was losing my mucus plug. Since this was my first pregnancy, he didn’t think this was the case and told me the summer months are starting to take place (thank you Texas heat) and I was just experiencing more discharge. I waited a few more days and called him back, by that point, I was seeing some blood and was getting worried.

Two days before Rowan was born, I was seen by my OBGYN. My OBGYN told us that everything looked good and that discharge changes throughout pregnancy and that was why I was seeing more of it.

The day before Rowan arrived, I started having what I thought were Braxton Hicks. As the day went on, the pain got worse and worse and nothing I did helped them to go away. I was scared because I knew in my gut our sweet Rowan was going to be born way too early. That evening we went to L&D. I got told I was having contractions and there was sadly nothing they could do to stop my labor since we weren’t at viability yet. Here I was at 22 weeks knowing our son was coming and not being able to do anything about it. The one positive note the triage OBGYN told us was that I wasn’t dilated and that hopefully things would calm down. She also recommended that I see my OBGYN the next day.

March 30th, 2023 at 22 weeks 1 day Rowan was born. After our evening in triage, my OBGYN was able to get us in right away. There he told us that my cervix had shortened even more and that he was sending us back to L&D to see about getting an emergency cerclage stitch. Unfortunately I was told that since I was in active labor, I did not qualify for the cerclage. We were also told that they wouldn’t resuscitate Rowan and that he would be unable to be admitted to the NICU. Thankfully the NICU staff changed their minds on these last two points. I don’t know for sure, but I think it was because he was bigger than what he should have been at his gestational age.

At 6:58pm, Rowan made his very quick delivery into the world, he weighed 1 lb 4 oz and was nearly a foot long. He surprised my nurses by punching and kicking the air right after he was born. This didn’t surprise me at all because I knew we had a fighter on our hands. Seconds before he was born, I was told the NICU staff decided that they could admit him if that’s what we wanted. Of course we said yes. My mom told me they also resuscitated Rowan before they left my delivery room. Although he arrived too early, I had so much joy that he was here alive. I also had a lot of sadness along with anger knowing that we had an uphill battle to climb but we were ready to climb whatever mountain Rowan placed us on.

Rowan lived for eight days in the NICU. He fought so hard everyday. Rowan’s stay in the NICU wasn’t easy. He had level three and four brain bleeds, he had a difficult time keeping his heart rate down, his lungs needed a lot of support and he couldn’t manage his blood pressure. In the last few hours of his life, Rowan sadly developed an infection.

On Good Friday, April 7th, 2023 at 5:09 am, our family was able to hold Rowan for the first and last time. Rowan passed peacefully in my arms. We were able to get several different keepsakes from our stay. We also got our one and only family photo as a family of four. It’s difficult knowing that our son passed on such an important holy day in the Christian faith. I never imagined I would know the pain Mary felt at losing her son. But I also find much comfort on this day as well.

Shortly after Rowan’s passing while talking with my mom, I told her I understood why my birth mom had my siblings within a couple of years of my birth. We both understood the pain and grief of losing a child. Kyle and I started trying for baby number three as soon as we were given the all clear.

From the day I had Rowan to the day we found out I was pregnant again was eight and half months. Our sweet Rowan sent us the best Christmas gift ever. He sent us his and Theo’s baby brother or sister. At 13 weeks, we found out we were expecting a baby girl. I thought we were having another little boy and Kyle was convinced I was having a girl. I told Kyle I would laugh if our NIPT test came back girl. I happily laughed as I read the results aloud to Kyle.

This pregnancy has been similar to my pregnancy with Rowan in regards to symptoms . With this pregnancy I am considered high risk and I saw a MFM doctor as well as the same OBGYN I saw while pregnant with Rowan. It was determined that I went into spontaneous preterm labor without cause with Rowan. It’s been extremely difficult not having answers as to why I went into labor with him so early, but each day I accept the fact that we will never have them. I am happy to report that we have made it longer than we did with Rowan. It hasn’t been easy though.

At 25 weeks, I started showing signs of preterm labor. I started to lose my mucus plug and I was cramping. I was admitted to the hospital for three days for monitoring. There I received two steroid shots to help support baby girl’s lungs. We also meet with the same neonatologist who took care of Rowan. She went over the plan with us in case baby girl was born within the next few weeks. Our hope is that baby girl stays put until 34 weeks (or longer), but knowing the plan in advance has given Kyle and I some peace of mind. It’s comforting to know that we won’t have to go through the same confusion and pain like we did with Rowan questioning if the NICU will admit baby girl or not. We know for a fact that she will be admitted, no questions asked.