We got pregnant with our first child after trying for a few months. I had a very difficult time seeing negative tests and I also had a feeling that we had conceived but our pregnancies weren’t “sticking” so I believe we had 3 chemical pregnancies before getting pregnant with our daughter.
My pregnancy began with some strong morning sickness and I was throwing up until week 18. We found out with a blood test that we were having a girl and I had already picked out her name so we were expecting our Kallie Grace. We did our 20 week ultrasound that showed a healthy (and flexible) baby girl. Even though I wasn’t throwing up anymore, I never really felt great at any point in my pregnancy.
I had my baby shower on a Saturday in the beginning of April and I remember saying I hadn’t really felt her move much lately. I didn’t know that I should pay attention to movements until I was week 28 (which was less than a week away at this point) and I thought she had less room so she maybe couldn’t move as much. On Monday I was meeting up with my lifegroup girls and told my husband before I left that I hadn’t felt her move in a couple days but I’m sure everything is fine and I have an appointment tomorrow. We both thought she just had less room and we’d check things out the next day.
I meet up with the girls and I asked them if they ever had a time where they didn’t feel their babies move and they told me their doctors said to go to the ER if that happens. I start panicking and text my midwife and she tells me to go to the ER. My husband met us there before they did any tests and then they could not find a heartbeat with the doppler. I was very scared but the doctor said he was going to call in the ultrasound tech and she might be in a position where we can’t hear her. It took probably 30 minutes but seemed like forever for the ultrasound tech to get there.
Then they gave us the worst news of our life, our baby no longer had a heartbeat. We went to the hospital that night but everything else looked okay so we decided to wait until Wednesday morning to induce because it was midnight at this point. Our families traveled in and both sets of grandparents, except my dad, made it in time for the birth of Kallie. My dad got there just an hour after she was born on Thursday, April 7th. I never expected to lose our daughter and we miss her like crazy. Our sweet girl measured 24 weeks even though I had made it to 27 weeks before she passed. We found out she was gone on the day I would have turned 28 weeks. Kallie’s nursery theme was boho rainbows and my midwife ended up seeing a rainbow the night of her funeral since it was raining that day. We call Kallie our rainbow because of that.
We knew we wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. I had started tracking ovulation shortly after and we caught my first ovulation before my period so we tried. After the 2 week wait I took a pregnancy test and saw a very faint line, we celebrated and even printed announcement cards for family because I knew if you see a line then it meant pregnancy and false positives are extremely rare. I then started bleeding and my midwife had me get a blood test and ultrasound. They both showed that I wasn’t pregnant and we believe it showed a positive test because there was leftover hcg from Kallie. I was once again devastated and very discouraged.
Two weeks later I ovulate and enter the two week wait feeling hopeless. I decided to write a devotional on trying to conceive called Trusting to Conceive during that time and it helped so much. I really felt God do a work within me and I’m hoping to get it published soon. I felt a lot less hopeless while writing it and even though I was anxious to take a test, I trusted in God’s plan for us. When the two week wait ends, I take a test which ends up being a very positive pregnancy test. No chance of a false positive that time.
We also did a blood draw to find out gender at 8 weeks and found out we are having a boy. I had a really difficult time finding out we’re having a boy after losing our girl that I had longed for for years. The Lord has helped me and I know I will love this boy just as much as I love Kallie and I’m very excited for him to be in our arms. March can’t come soon enough, being pregnant after loss is obviously very scary. Since Kallie was our rainbow, we call this baby our sunshine baby since sunshine comes after rainbows. The song You are my Sunshine has so much more meaning to it now as well. We can’t wait to hold our sunshine baby, Malachi Samuel.
Photos taken by Hailey Rieg Photography.
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