On Easter Day in 2022, I remember thinking to myself that I felt off. Different. So that next morning I took a pregnancy test. Pregnant. I remember being SO overwhelmed with joy, I was shaking, crying (happy tears of course), and was in agony having to go about my day like nothing was different. I didn’t tell my husband, because I had already planned out in my head how I wanted to tell him. So I went to work, came home, did chores, started dinner, and waited for him to get home only for him to get home late. I had set up my camera, put the pregnancy tests, a pair of knitted booties, a onesie that said ‘hi daddy’ and a letter board that said ‘we’re having a baby!’ on the kitchen counter for when he walked in. He was so surprised, and so excited.
For the next two weeks, everything was going as expected. I was actually lucky and didn’t have morning sickness. But around 6 and a half weeks, I started bleeding. I immediately went to the emergency room, expecting the worst, to find that Baby M was doing just fine and even had the strongest little heartbeat! Turns out, I just had a hematoma that was causing the bleeding. At the time, I didn’t know that hematomas can increase your risk of miscarriage, I was just so relieved that our baby was okay I didn’t even ask questions about it. A week and a half later, I started bleeding again but it was heavier. They got me in as soon as they could with an ultrasound tech in the city, just to make sure that everything was okay. Again, Baby M was just fine. Heart rate had increased, hematoma was still the same size, nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. The next morning though, was when the events of our worst nightmare began.
I remember waking up and feeling uncomfortable. I had been put on bedrest, so I was at home taking it easy. Throughout the morning, I kept feeling more and more uncomfortable. Severe cramps. And then the bleeding started. My husband was at work, so my father in law came and rushed me to the emergency room. I have never experienced such poor medical care in my life until that day. My er doctor was so cold, and dismissive. He wouldn’t even try finding a heartbeat for us. He labeled it a ‘threatened miscarriage’ without doing any evaluation or examination and sent us home. A week later I found out that I had miscarried. I knew that I had. I knew it in my heart. My bones. But as the week progressed, I couldn’t help but continue to have faith that a miracle might happen, and that everything would be okay.
It wasn’t.
Unfortunately, our story doesn’t end there. In September of 2022, we found out that we were pregnant again. There’s a reason the saying goes “ignorance is bliss”, right? We thought there was NO WAY we could, rather would, lose this baby too. But we did. The first several weeks of the pregnancy was rather blissful, if you take away the crippling anxiety and worry, and only focused on the fact that we were pregnant again. My OB at the time put me on progesterone no questions asked. My beta’s were phenomenal. Everything seemed to have been going perfectly.
Until it wasn’t.
The time for our first ultrasound came around, only for the tech to not be able to see anything. OB said I probably just ovulated late, and to come back in two more weeks for a follow up. Anyone who has experienced loss, knows that asking someone to wait a full two weeks for answers is ridiculous. I couldn’t do it. So I got a second opinion. And what do ya know. They found baby, but no heartbeat. Which, was to be expected because at the time I was only (what I thought almost 7 weeks) but the ultrasound only showed that I was 5 weeks. Which would make sense if I ovulated later than normal that cycle. After my second opinion, I went into our next ultrasound appointment with a MFM two weeks later for our worst fears to come true; again.
I wish I could say that was the end of our bad news, but nope. My body continued to grow, not recognizing that our baby had stopped growing and had passed. It wasn’t until over a month of waiting I finally had to seek medical intervention since it was obvious I wasn’t going to miscarry on my own. This led to two failed medically induced miscarriages, one resulting in an emergency room visit due to loss of blood and blood clotting, which then resulted in an emergency DNC.
I decided to reach out to a fertility specialist I had heard amazing things about in February. Because she is so highly sought out, she wasn’t able to get me in until the middle of May. Only about a month later, I found out we were expecting again. This babies due date would have been the same as what our first would have been, and my husband and I just knew that was a sign from God. That this was our miracle.
It wasn’t.
I found out early. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks. Which, I thought would end up being a great thing. The earlier I find out, the sooner we can test my labs, etc. I contacted my specialist and they immediately had me come in for some labs that day. I got the results early that next morning, and they weren’t great, but they were terrible either. Nothing to worry about as long as my hcg doubled in 48-72 hours. My progesterone, however, was most definitely a problem. They immediately started me on oral progesterone. Two days later, I had a repeat beta. That next morning, bad news. My HCG didn’t double like it should have. But again, let’s test you again in two more days and maybe we will see a good increase there. It didn’t.
“This is more than likely not going to be a viable pregnancy.”
After several weeks of bad news after bad news, I began to miscarry at a wedding I was filming on 4/22/23. My doctors had me repeat betas until my HCG dropped back to 0 so we could begin testing to see if we could find the cause of my recurrent miscarriages. We found that I had the MTHFR gene mutation, low progesterone during pregnancy, low ferritin and low d3. All incredibly important factors when it comes to having a healthy and successful pregnancy. My specialist started me on organic prenatal vitamins, as well as ferritin and d3, baby aspirin, and a few other things. I was feeling hopeful! We finally had some answers.
Two weeks after I received my test results, I found out we were pregnant again. One month after miscarrying our third baby. Only God can perform a miracle like that. But I also believe he placed me in capable hands. The hands of a fertility specialist, and the hands of a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist in the city two sees us every two weeks.
We are currently in our third trimester with our sweet miracle baby. A baby boy, Bentley Joseph. He is due January 27th, 2024. He has been doing amazing the entire pregnancy; strong heart rate, measuring two weeks ahead consistently. A strong and healthy baby boy. He has even survived a car accident in November while I was on my way to my baby shower!
A true miracle. Our rainbow after many of storms.
Photos taken by K Dawn Films.
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