My husband and I struggled to conceive, so we’ve been doing fertility treatments. We have been blessed with a son who was born in 2021.
My husband and I cherish our family and decided we wanted to grow ours. We did a frozen single embryo transfer in February 2023 and that one had failed. We tried again and had another frozen single embryo transfer on March 28th 2023 and that one was successful.
Upon the second ultrasound following the transfer, we noticed there were two sacs! They were going to be identical twins!
We did a blood test to confirm gender and they were going to be boys!
We had a scare on June 17th 2023. I had a random heavy bleed and went to the ER. I was so scared that I was going to lose the boys. They did an ultrasound and had confirmed the boys were fine. The bleeding had stopped after that heavy gush of bleeding.
On August 14th 2023, I was starting a new job and was at the orientation from 9am-3pm. It was running a little late, but close to 3pm I started to feel uncomfortable. I felt some light cramping on and off. I had no warning of what was to come. I texted my husband and let me know I wasn’t feeling right. I got home around 4pm. The “cramping” were coming on more frequent and painful. We got to the hospital around 4:30pm. They did a urine analysis and STD check. I forgot why but they went to do another check and couldn’t see my cervix so then they called the on call OB. She didn’t get there until around 6-6:30pm. She checked me and said I was in preterm labor and was 10cm dilated. When she told me that, I immediately was in denial and starting crying “no” over and over again. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. That I was going to lose them. We had worked so hard to get them.
She had told me my options were to transfer to Oregon side and deliver there at the Children’s Hospital or I can deliver on Washington side and have the twins stabilized and then life flighted to Oregon. The contractions were so frequent and painful I felt like I didn’t have time to transfer to Oregon by ambulance and this was around 7:45pm. They called the Oregon Neonatologist to come talk to us about all the risks. And he didn’t get there until 8:30pm ish. When I was getting ready to push them out around 10pm, the Portland provider came and told me that it had been miscommunicated and they were actually not able to stabilize them there.
When our first son Carson came out, he made a little cry. It was so little and precious, yet so heartbreaking. We had our second son Grayson 20 minutes later. Carson passed away about 4 hours later and Grayson passed away at 5am. We were devastated and hurting so much, all we could do was cry. We weren’t able to comprehend that it was really happening to us or why.
We went home and made funeral arrangements after we got out of the hospital. During the service, the funeral director approached us and told us we couldn’t bury them at 1:30pm as planned. She told us the doctor that delivered was refusing to sign their death certificate! She had ten days to sign it, but chose the day of the funeral to do it? And then she was refusing because she got frustrated with the online system? We were so upset. We didn’t get to bury our sons until after 3pm that day.
We found them a beautiful place to rest and play.
We hope to one day find our light again through this dark time.
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