Hoping Amidst the Rain
Rainbows have definitely become special to me since the losses. They are symbols of God’s promises to me. His promises of hope and an expectant end. I see them often everywhere. It seems at my lowest or when God knows I need a pick me up, He will allow a rainbow of some sort to cross my path.
After 5 years of marriage and trying to conceive naturally we soon found ourselves sitting in a fertility office. In the summer of 2016 we began fertility treatments and we underwent our first embryo transfer in August. We were blessed to become pregnant with our baby girl Coree Grace named after her father Corey. We were so excited. 20 weeks into the pregnancy we discovered that my cervix was shortening and I was considered high risk for early term labor. 2 weeks later we gave birth to our beautiful daughter who sadly only lived for some minutes after birth. DEVASTATING!
We didn’t give up hope. With the strength of God, support from each other and family/friends we continued to seek after what God had promised us. We pushed through 2 failed IVF transfers and on the 4th transfer in January 2020, we became pregnant with our rainbow twins Corbin and Cristlynn. Knowing what we knew about my medical history, I was placed on bed rest and even with all that we still ended up empty handed. We truly thought this was the one. I went into the hospital May 25th with contractions. We were hopeful that the doctor was able to stop labor from occurring but then Corbin’s water broke and after surviving two days he still passed in uterus due to cord prolapse. Two days later with the risk of infection rising we gave birth to both babies and Cristlynn survived to see NICU for 8 beautiful days until she could fight no longer.
This journey has been tough, saddening, hurtful, confusing and yet somehow God still meets us and gives us hope to continue. My rainbows in the wait have become hoping in God and waiting on His promises. My rainbows have become finding the joy in the midst of the storms. My rainbows have become bringing hope and joy to those who have losses and can’t find their way through.
Moving forward we are now exploring other alternatives for meeting our rainbow babies due to health concerns. Until that blessed and appointed time, I will keep my eye out for that beautiful array of God’s promises to us.
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