I got diagnosed with endometriosis in Nov 2022 and I thought I would struggle to conceive but to my surprise I fell pregnant in May 2023.
I had a straightforward pregnancy with no complications or concerns until I got up to 39 weeks.
I went in for my routine midwife appointment which was on a Friday and she asked me the normal questions including how baby’s movements have been. I did tell her that baby boy had been a bit quiet recently but that it wasn’t out the ordinary for him. She told us to just go to hospital and get it monitored just in case for piece of mind.
We did just that and got put on the monitor and passed with flying colours and the midwife’s had no concerns. They said if I got worried or if baby boys movements were more inconsistent then to call or come in anytime.
During the weekend baby boy still hadn’t moved as much as wanted but I didn’t get worried enough to panic.
On the Monday I went in to get checked out thinking everything was fine and that I’d pass monitoring and be on my way in less than an hour to only be told that they couldn’t find a heartbeat and that my baby had died.
Me and my husband were destroyed and in disbelief. How could this have happed? We only heard his heartbeat 3 days before and he was fine?
I ended up going into natural labour that night and gave birth to our beautiful baby boy who we named Charlie Christopher Hagger on Tuesday 9th January 2024 at 20:45pm.
We stayed with him for 24 hours. We bathed him, changed him, read him a book and talked to him. The heartache and pain of leaving him there in that hospital room and not taking him home with us will stay with me forever.
During our grief journey we still went ahead with our wedding we had planned for the past two years and soon after fell pregnant with our rainbow baby due February 2025.
Even though we’re only 10 months into our journey we take it day by day by trying to educate others how to address and talk about baby loss and break the stigma that it’s a taboo subject to bring up. Doing this all for our Charlie is what drives us to keep going and we will make sure his baby brother knows who he is and we keep his name alive.
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My journey to motherhood started like many others, full of excitement and the assumption that it would just work out. Within three months of trying, we were pregnant. We were overjoyed. But that joy didn’t last long. Around five weeks, I miscarried. We were heartbroken, but we tried to stay hopeful. Then, the very next month, I was pregnant again. It felt like a miracle, like maybe the first loss had just been a terrible fluke. But at six weeks, we lost that pregnancy too. That was the moment I realized this wasn’t random. I went to the doctor looking for answers, but I kept hearing the same thing. Everything looks normal. Sometimes this just happens. Just keep trying. I never accepted that, because deep down it never felt right. Loss changes you. There is no way around it. When you lose a pregnancy, you don’t just lose a moment in time. You lose the dreams you had already started building. You imagine birthdays that will never happen, tiny hands you never got to hold, and a future that suddenly disappears. The grief is hard to explain unless you have lived through it. It is the grief that keeps…
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