My husband, Lars, and I had a difficult time conceiving at first. When we first started trying, we experienced three miscarriages followed by two years of unexplained infertility and one failed adoption. Then we had our rainbow baby- our son Jacob.
18 months after Jacob was born, we were surprised to find out we’re pregnant again. I went on to have a beautiful pregnancy and successful VBAC to deliver our second son, Luke.
We had hardly started talking about baby 3 and we were pregnant again with our third child- our third boy. The pregnancy was going smoothly until the anatomy scan around 20 weeks. During the ultrasound, they discovered that he had a congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS). Upon further testing, we also came to learn that in addition, he had a condition called Total Anomalous Venus Return (TAPVR).
We named him Noah Samuel which means “I have peace because God hears me.” Noah was born September 23rd, 2020. He had surgery hours after birth and was put on ECMO. He fought in the PCTU for a month and in that time had two open heart surgeries, two Cath labs and SO many tests. Ultimately his heart and eventually the rest of his body was tired of fighting. He died in my arms with his daddy singing to him on October 23rd at 10:23am.
It took us time to be ready to try again, and the road wasn’t easy. But a little over a year later, we are pregnant with our miracle rainbow baby- our first girl. And we believe Noah helped to send her to us.
If there is anything I want someone to take from our story it’s that you are not alone. Infertility and loss is more common then most people realize! It’s an extremely hard road, and keeping the faith and having joy can seem impossible at times. But seeking joy in pain can give purpose.
Read more about hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS) here. Read more about Total Anomalous Venus Return (TAPVR) here.
Photos taken by Samantha Domingue Photography.
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