I was a mom at 18 years old. My kids from my first marriage are now 18 and 19 years old. I divorced their dad when they were young due to him being unfaithful.
After some time, I had gotten remarried and we wanted to grow the family. I was so excited to find out I was pregnant but at 14 weeks, I had a miscarriage. I was told it was unknown why I lost the baby and didn’t even find out the gender. I was home alone due to my husband working out of state and it all happened in just a few hours. I then found out he had been unfaithful while he was away and I was pregnant. That marriage ended and hurt my kids as much as me.
I knew that I would have to wait till my next life to meet my lost little one. I’m now 38, 90% disabled veteran, and by some grace, met an amazing man who slowly won me over. We have been married almost 5 years and he has always treated my two kiddos as his own. He’s also a disabled veteran who had been engaged when he was in the service to a woman who got pregnant by his friend. He never had plans for marriage or having kids.
Due to medical issues and age, we never thought we could have kids. I am now 30 weeks. There has been a lot of dr appts. and worry but thankfully, a very healthy baby boy. Asher is healing parts of our family we didn’t know could heal and has brought us a joy we needed as a family. He is my rainbow baby from the heartbreak and loss and my husband’s rainbow baby from hurt.
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My journey to motherhood started like many others, full of excitement and the assumption that it would just work out. Within three months of trying, we were pregnant. We were overjoyed. But that joy didn’t last long. Around five weeks, I miscarried. We were heartbroken, but we tried to stay hopeful. Then, the very next month, I was pregnant again. It felt like a miracle, like maybe the first loss had just been a terrible fluke. But at six weeks, we lost that pregnancy too. That was the moment I realized this wasn’t random. I went to the doctor looking for answers, but I kept hearing the same thing. Everything looks normal. Sometimes this just happens. Just keep trying. I never accepted that, because deep down it never felt right. Loss changes you. There is no way around it. When you lose a pregnancy, you don’t just lose a moment in time. You lose the dreams you had already started building. You imagine birthdays that will never happen, tiny hands you never got to hold, and a future that suddenly disappears. The grief is hard to explain unless you have lived through it. It is the grief that keeps…
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