From a young age, I learned what it meant to nurture and care for others. That experience planted a deep longing in me — the dream of one day becoming a mother and giving a little version of myself the love and security I had always hoped for.
After years of healing and growth, I reunited with my high school sweetheart in 2020. We married in August 2024, and at 34, we were eager to start our family.
We found out we were pregnant on Thanksgiving. We saw our baby’s heartbeat a week before Christmas — the most beautiful gift. But soon after, I began to bleed. Despite moments of hope, our baby’s heart stopped just after the new year. I’ll never forget that ultrasound, the silence in the room, and the heartbreak that followed.
Losing our first baby crushed me. I felt like my body had failed me, and I lost trust in myself. Fear of another loss consumed me so deeply that I was scared to try again and I came up with reasons why not to. But with time, and through the support of friends, faith, and love, I found the strength to try again.
Now, as I prepare to welcome our rainbow baby — a daughter due on Christmas Day — I wear this rainbow skirt to honor both of my babies: the one who made me a mother, and the one who restored my hope.
Pregnancy after loss is not easy. Every appointment and every heartbeat is sacred. This journey continues to teach me to release control and hold tight to faith. Living in fear does not serve you — you have to believe things will go well.
To all the women navigating fertility, pregnancy, and loss — please know you’re not alone.
Find out more about Project Finding Your Rainbow.
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Listen to the Finding Hope After Loss Podcast!
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