We were young and we had just moved in together so getting pregnant with our son, Enoch, was definitely a surprise to us. We weren’t planning on having babies yet but we were so blessed to be. We grew up together literally and were best friends. We were so excited to raise a mini us.
My pregnancy was pretty smooth it was like most normal pregnancies.
My birth with Enoch was hard. I labored for over 30 hours and had to have an emergency c-section when his heartrate dropped and mine did as well. We were lucky to leave the hospital together about a week later.
My loss was a nightmare. I woke up one morning and he was already gone. He passed away from SIDS. It was all a blur from finding him to calling 911 and riding to the hospital begging God to give me him back. I got 2 months and 19 days with him.
I do want to mention the EMT who responded. He was a literal angel. He was the one who sat with me at the hospital until my partner came and he held my hand and cried with me but also let me know that I was a good mother and that this loss was not my fault. He will still check in on me to this day and he has a forever part of my story.
I was confused and mad and sad. I did everything right and I still lost my child. I really had a hard time with myself after I felt like maybe if I would have stayed up longer or done something different he would be here right now. I was really angry with myself.
I received a lot of support at the beginning the whole town showed up. I have a great support system here I am truly lucky. I have people who still honor Enoch with me. I have a tattoo with his ashes in it so he is always with me.
We honor Enoch every chance we get. His sign is little monsters so anytime we see one we try to capture it. We love and miss him so much and always include him in everything we do.
We weren’t really sure we were ready to try again, but we both loved being parents, though it comes with a lot of anxiety. It is hard to know if youre truly ready.
This pregnancy has been a rollarcoaster for us. We thought he had so many issues and had to go see specialists just to make sure. He is okay and healthy but of course that took a toll on us. As loss parents, we were prepared for the worst.
I want other loss parents to know that loss is so so hard and not something anyone is prepared for. There is truly no right way to get through a loss and it will never go away it is something you have to learn to live with and grow around.
Photos taken by Jazmin Skinner.
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