Destany’s Story

Addyson Leonia

December 2022, we had just found out I was pregnant with our first child. A few weeks prior my husband’s grandma had passed away. He so badly wanted her to meet his children. Even though she was no longer here to meet her we were still overwhelmed with joy. She was our light in a dark time. We announced to our moms and siblings at Christmas by including things like a pacifier and onesie in our mother’s gifts.

January 2023, We took our first ever flight to St. Croix to visit my father and step mom. Surprise! They found out they’re having a grandchild and my now husband asked for my father’s hand in marriage (he was planning this before we got pregnant!).

Months go by, check ups, blood draws, nausea, catching illnesses, aches and pains. Through it all we were both the happiest we had ever been. We couldn’t wait to meet our baby, even before we knew the gender. We found out we were having a girl in may, the same day my husband proposed to me!

A month later everything changed. I had dealt with all sorts of aches and pains the whole pregnancy but early that June I woke up with severe hip pain. I couldn’t walk, lay, sit, nothing. So we went to the hospital.

Everything. Changed. There was no heartbeat. My baby had no heartbeat. They didn’t even have to tell me. I could tell by their faces. Her dad was in disbelief and still hopeful I was wrong but I knew she was gone. They confirmed through an ultrasound.

I had no amniotic fluid, my water never broke. I was dilated. The hip pain was my body beginning labor. I went numb, everything was dark for a long time, years. I couldn’t understand. They said it was a blood clot that caused issues. I was new mom I felt my baby moving I was getting used to her movements and that can be hard for new moms especially with anterior placentas. I had her name, baby shower/nursery theme and planned for the following week. I had just started to feel like she was safe! We had hit 30 weeks!

My baby was gone. Our baby was gone. She is physically gone. Even so she is always with us. We see her in the sky, sunsets, dragon flies, butterflies, and so much more. We celebrate her birthday each year. We talk of her often and she even has her own spot in our home for her urn and other things we have be given/ purchase for her. She is beyond loved, I’ve never seen so many people attend a funeral. We released butterflies at her funeral, one stayed on my finger for a bit the the rest fluttered around us.

The pain, the grief never went away but it made us stronger. Me and my husband grew closer. She taught us to have each others backs in the worse of times. She taught us to slow down and take in the world around us. She showed us how to love deeper than we thought imaginable. She’s the center of our world, her grandma even walked her down the aisle at our wedding so she could be our flower girl like we planned. Her father even wrote a song about her!

3 years later, we had been trying 9 months for another child. We were starting to lose hope. Even scheduled an appointment to discuss fertility with my doctor. March 2026, there it was. A positive test, multiple positive tests. I was in disbelief for weeks. My husband over joyed. I was really pregnant again. Excited, terrified, grateful, and a little upset that my first baby isn’t here to live this experience with us.

Extra ultrasounds, extra checkups. Baby is doing amazing! We found more information that was never told to us about the baby we lost. What should have been 30 weeks measurements she was measuring 22. I have scar tissue in my uterus that we don’t know what caused. They believe I had an infection. My current doctor was fumed they didn’t catch our daughters growth issues. I may not have a blood clotting disorder that I was told was the blame for her death. So many unanswered questions

We named her rainbow sister after her birth flower. We fully believe Addyson sent this baby to us. She will know her sister. She will know how much we love and prayed for both of them. Everything is looking amazing for our rainbow. She has been consistently measuring ahead and extremely active. Yet every new or different symptom sends us to the er. Pregnancy after loss is terrifying

I will continue to share our story, to speak my daughter’s name. We will break the silence of losing a child. Our children deserve to be remembered. Loss families deserve to not feel so alone. My hope is by participating in this I encourage others to speak up about their loss. To raise awareness and to hopefully better medical practices for expecting parents.

We love you forever and a day, Addyson Leonia Crawford