My husband and I have known each other since we were in middle school and we started dating when we were 15 and 16. We got engaged at 19 and 20 and married at 20 and 21. I was still in college so we wanted to wait a little bit to start our family as we were still getting our footing in the world of adulthood.
Finally, after two and a half years of marriage, we both felt deeply disappointed at a negative pregnancy test and realized we were officially ready to start growing our family. After about six months, I became anxious and worried something was wrong. I went to my OB/GYN who reassured me I can take even healthy couples up to a year to conceive but she did go ahead and run labs on me just to be sure. Thankfully, everything was fine.
The next month, I was pregnant for the first time. We were ecstatic! We waited a couple of weeks before telling our families, and when we did there were lots of happy tears all around. Unfortunately, a week later, I began to bleed. I will never forget seeing blood and immediately feeling like I was going to pass out. I contacted my midwife and she got me in for an appointment. I had a subchronic hemorrhage (SCH) but it was within normal limits. I was also about three weeks behind what I thought we were. I had thought we were about 9 weeks along based on my cycle and how long we had known about the baby, but the ultrasound showed the baby measuring at 6 weeks.
Four days after the ultrasound, we lost the baby. I laid in bed for days. I had never felt pain like this loss before and it really rocked my world. I became a really angry version of myself and I just couldn’t seem to shake it. My version of coping with it was to try to conceive again. It took us 13 months. We had just gone to our local fertility clinic, @preg, and had our consultation. Thankfully, when I found out we were pregnant a week or so later, they offered to do early monitoring for us.
Everything was going great the first couple of weeks, my HCG was rising like it was supposed to so we went ahead and scheduled an ultrasound. My husband and I were both nervous but we thought, “What are the odds of this happening to us again?” When we went for the ultrasound, they couldn’t find the baby. They went ahead and took my HCG again and unfortunately it had stopped rising like it was supposed to at some point, but was still high. I was experiencing a pregnancy of unknown location. I went in for another ultrasound and they couldn’t find the baby in my uterus, tubes, or ovaries.
They put me on a medication to start the miscarriage process in hopes that, once it was over, we’d be able to try again as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the medication did not work, further confirming I was having a more rare type of ectopic pregnancy and the baby had implanted somewhere in my abdomen. We had to do methotrexate treatment. For some reason, this put me in so much pain that it made me sick and I didn’t get out of bed much for the next two weeks without experiencing severe pain. We were devastated to lose another baby, but also thankful that this was caught so early, knowing how deadly ectopic pregnancies are. I actively miscarried for the entirety of the three months that we had to wait to try again. This really messed with my head and rattled my faith. I watched so many people around me get pregnant during this time and I hated the uncharacteristically angry version of myself that I was.
Once we were able to start trying again, I tried to remain hopeful. Unfortunately, we did six medicated cycles, an HSG, and two rounds of IUI and no luck. I had bloodwork done (miscarriage panels, fertility panels) and nothing came back to show anything was wrong. While grateful for that, it was also incredibly irritating. I wanted something I could fix. Finally, my husband and I decided to take a break from actively trying. It was turning me into someone I didn’t recognize and I missed our carefree ignorance from the beginning of our journey.
A few months later, October 2025, I was trying to get rid of my pregnancy tests (you know, the big bag of the cheap strips?) so I was testing just so I could throw them away. Then, one Saturday morning while on the phone with Andrew, I was looking at one of the tests. I was only seven days past ovulation so I didn’t expect anything (not that I expected anything at this point anyway) when I saw the faintest of lines pop up. I’d seen enough negatives to know that this was not a negative. We were both in shock! It took us a while to get excited, but we prayed this baby would stick. The weeks passed and the baby continued to grow and stay with us. We are so excited for our sweet baby boy, Rowan, to join us this summer. This was a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but so thankful God blessed us with this sweet boy and thankful for how much our marriage deepened over these past years.
Joel 2:25
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